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how can I get my son to understand

My son is is bugging us to let him go out more he's 18, he wants to go to night clubs and he wants to stay out late...I can't get him to understand that nothing good goes on past 12 and 18 year old have no business going to clubs...we do let him go out but he has to be home no later than 1100 I know most of you might think it's early but our agreement was that if he did good in school we would let him stay out later, so far he's broken that agreement...all his friends are allowed to come home at 3 or 4 in the morning I don't think so not my son his dad and I don't even come home that late...so we've let him do what he wants but when rules are broken there's a consequence...this past weekend he went out and I told him to be home at 1230 and he defied me and he came home at 2 so needless to say we punished him and he thinks we're being to harsh ..am i being to strict???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 AM on May. 6, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (14)
  • i think he's 18 there really is nothing you can do to make him stay in, if he wants to go out nothing you can do to stop him. maybe suggest if he pays rent (a small amount) that he can do what he wants. as far as the curfew thing, maybe on weekends you could allow him to come home when he wants to. but really he's 18, the fact that he is listening to the punishment and not throwing that in your face says he is mature and isn't going to get into trouble.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:04 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I had a curfew at 18, I lived with my parents. I was always late for my curfew so my dad tried something new. I could stay out as late as I wanted, but had to be up by 7am. He made sure I was was up too.
    I was only out past midnight a few times. It was hard to get up by seven if I was up all night. I wasn't allowed to go back to sleep either.
    I know my parents were trying to protect me but there was nothing I couldn't do after a certain time that I couldn't do before that time. KWIM? They were trying to make sure I wasn't having sex, but guess what my bf and I did it everyday at 10 in the morning. Kids can and will have sex at anytime. I think the curfew is a joke really. It was to me anyway. I did all the things they were worried about before the time I was due back home.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 12:14 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I think trying to keep him from going out when he is 18 is going to make him rebel most likely. When I was 18 my dad tried to keep me from going out and staying out late. I know that it was for my own good now ,but then I didn't understand and I ended up resenting him. I ended up getting in more trouble. I regret a lot of it now being older and more mature. I realize my dad was just looking out for my own good. I'm not saying that your son will become more rebellious. I'm not saying let him go out and do whatever he wants either. Maybe you should talk to him and come up with a compromise. Just a suggestion. Good Luck!
    Babydoll1015

    Answer by Babydoll1015 at 12:15 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • At a certain point I think you have to let go and let him do as he wants. The only requirement I would out on him is for him to call home so that you knew he was ok. Push the no drinking and driving for sure but at some point they have to be able to make their own choices.

    Big hugs Momma, I am sure this is a tough time for you.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 12:16 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • thank you ladies
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Your Welcome! Good luck with your son!
    Babydoll1015

    Answer by Babydoll1015 at 1:15 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • The rule at our house is, home or call my midnight. If he calls, there had better have a valid reason for being late. If we do not hear from him by midnight, he pays $20 fine.

    My son had to give me $20, one time. That was when he was 20. At 24, he still lives at home, he works and is in college, but he still lets me know when he will be late.

    I think having a curfew is a good idea for anyone. It isn't very considerate to cause others to worry.
    My husband and I let each other know when and why we are late. Shouldn't our children show the same respect. That is true maturity.

    Rene'

    rptyner

    Answer by rptyner at 1:53 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I do not have a son, but I have a very independent older daughter. I told her about the birds and bees in first grade and took her to planned parenthood myself at 15. She lives on her own, goes to college and has a job.

    If if get too much into her life she becomes agitated. We have to let them grow up. I really know how hard this is, because I want my daughter to be that little five year old I could just cuddle up and sit on my lap.

    But they have grown up, your son, my daughter. We need to give them space to grow. Perhaps a bit of leniency would be best. You know the old saying if you love someone you have to let them go.

    If his friends are allowed to stay out later, maybe he should be too. Or maybe give him more than one chance.
    Jonicole

    Answer by Jonicole at 8:37 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Ok, I disagree with the majority here, but if he is living in your home and you set a curfew he needs to be home by then or have a darn good reason not to be home and to notify you if he is going to be late. If he does not want a curfew I am sure he would be able to get an apartment, by his own food, clean his clothes and apartment etc. Give him the choice live by house rules or get his own place.
    higherboundmom

    Answer by higherboundmom at 3:36 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • He is an adult and you have him on curfew? How will he learn if you keep him on a leash? He's a man now. Treat him as such
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:15 PM on May. 6, 2009

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