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My husband looks at porn all the time. Ive just had a baby about 6 months ago im below what i weighed b4 the pregnancy and it just hurts cause he wont have sex with me. he googles thing such as.. and excuse the language... "tiny skinny pussy" and "pirate fuck" and stuff like that and he goes to some place called "pervertsrus.com" why would he do this...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on May. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • It is not you...and you are not alone!

    75% of American men have some kind of sexual addiction. He is an addict if his behavors interfer with his life...and from what you described they do! Don't be discouraged...there is help!

    Patrick Carnes is a fabulous pioneer in this field. He has written several..many books on the subject. ...read them!

    Out of the Shadows is fabulous!

    The lifestar program...saved our marriage! ..and many many others! Your marriage can survive and thrive! There is hope!

    here is a link!

    http://www.lifestarnetwork.org/

    If you need anything else....feel free to message me.
    MommasCooCoo

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 1:49 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • What a sicko, and no it's NOT you. It's HIM. I think an intervention needs to be done. If you have to, get rid of the internet or any other think that he gains access to porn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • i have been there time and time again and it does hurt you always feel like you aren't good enough and wonder why look at it when you are right there my hubby is a sicko at times and the only thing that helps me is by spicing up our bedroom so he is too occupied to look at that crap (does'nt always work) letting him know how horrible it makes me feel and praying that God opens his eyes to all that mess and shows him how hurtful it really is....im sorry hun
    ilovemyboys21

    Answer by ilovemyboys21 at 2:26 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I'm not defending porn, or even men but a lot of men don't see their women the same after childbirth. They're held up in a different light after that, they're not just theirs now, they're this amazing person who was able to do something they can never do.. carry a living person inside them and have the amazing strength to push them out. The birthing alone is scary to a man, it's incredible how big that hole gets while in labor and it may take them a while to see you and your vagina without it including the memory of delivery.
    Tell him how you feel and if he doesn't care... then I'd either deal with it, or put a parental block on, or get all drastic and accidently forget to pay the bill so there'd be no internet.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:14 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I know that when I had my first my husband kept joking and asking the doctor to put an extra stitch in. There is a thought that it will stretch out and not be as tight. Don't confront him about it. Just you need to find a night that you can get someone to watch the baby and get sexy for him. He may just need the boost that you are ready for it. He may have heard you say that the doc said wait a while and he is waiting till you make the advance. I know that my dh is very sexual. We had to have private times for him when I could not because I hurt to much. Talk to him about how you are ready. Then give him a surprise!!
    tichelle

    Answer by tichelle at 7:22 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • embarrassedI can imagine how you feel! my ex put me tru something like that WHILE is was pregnant. I refused to have sex with him because i felt so bad all the time. So on some nights he'd put on porn to make me feel bad of course. I never knew if he understood what he made me go tru. So i guess if you really love him and want this to work let him know how you feel. If that isn't enough to change his actions then maybe you don't deserve to be with someone who will hurt you like that. I'm soo sorry you have to go tru that. Especially since you're having to deal with all the stress of a new baby.

    mother.of2

    Answer by mother.of2 at 9:45 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • He does it because you tolerate it. Quit tolerating it! Get him to realize it is best in a relationship for you both to focus all of your sexual energies on each other. Tell him to quit because it does not help your sex life with him. It is taking away from your sex life as a couple. If he does not make any improvements or show any signs that he even cares or wants to stop then leave him. I am serious if you tolerate it he will not stop. I recently went through this with my husband because he got in the habit of looking at porn while I was pregers. I pitched a huge fit. Use your sixth sense, you can tell if he's still looking at it even it he's hiding from you. I flipped out and was a major bitch! I made it clear to him I would leave him if he did not stop. Because there are lots of men out there who would much rather have the real thing!!! I had him read the book "My brain doesn't cheat on my wife."
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 12:32 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I also looked into mental monogamy and realized I was guilty of some things too. I asked my husband what made him quit and he said it was that he realized it is best for a relationship to devote yourself to each other sexually. Focus on each other. Your man wont' fully appreciate you sexually as long as he is doing that. Tell you man what mental monogamy is, have him read that book. If he shows no signs of improvement leave him. Tell him he has issues if he will go to porn and wack it more than he comes to you. Tell him it is ruining your sex life. My man stopped it is possible for yours to stop too. They don't realize it takes away from your sex life as a couple. Now you need to look deep into him and see if he want to change. Because that is the only way he will change, if he wants to. Now be a bitch about this. I mean big fights. Got to let him know this will ruin the relationship.
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 12:38 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I have a lot of advice to give you on this. There is sooo much more. You have to step your game up in bed. Be mad at him about this but remind him what he's got. You have the upper hand over the porn because you can actually give him physical pleasure. Leave me a message i would love to help. But only if it's fixable. If he's been doing this a lot for years and years he may have a bigger problem. But if it's a recent thing than it's probably fixable.
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 12:41 PM on May. 6, 2009

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