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My step son told my husband that he was angry because I was more mom than his mom is. LONG

He feels like I am more the mother. I have been in his life since he was one, when his mother left. She stayed gone for a year with no contact, then only would see him a couple hours every three weeks. Then she filed for custody, and got visitation. Just a few hours every Saturday at first, up to two overnights a week now. She doesn't do anymore than the bare minimum. She doesn't do teacher conferences or school performances, doctor visits or sports games. She never calls, which she has been told she is more than welcome to whenever she wants, unless he is with her and she needs advice on how to handle something. And then she calls me, not my husband. I told stepson that just because he loves me and cares about me, doesn't mean he doesn't love her and care about her. And that when we are at home, if he is still comfortable with it, I will do the Mom stuff and she can do the mom stuff at her house. CONT


Asked by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:54 AM on May. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Its okay for him to feel more of a bond with you then his BM. While he most likely loves her he can obviously count on you. If the BM is saying anything neg about you to him, it should cease if she wants him to be well adjusted.
    I share custody of my oldest with his dad. He lives with me one year then dad the next ect. While I dont have a SO, his father was married to a nice lady. Ty used to be upset that in the years he was at his dads he wanted me to be the one who did mom things with him, but being that we live 2000 miles apart I couldnt. I told him I liked the SM and eventually he called her mom. Not so much to me but out there he called her mom and introducded her at school functions as mom.
    I didnt care and when he saw that I was okay with that he calmed down a lot. Dad and his SM divorced and hes got a new lady. Ty refers to her by her first name and hes known her longer then the ex SM.
    Anyway, lol, you can CONT

    Answer by AngelicDevil80 at 3:06 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Is there anything else that needs to be said to him? I explained that I love him very much, and that a lot of kids have two "Mommies", or two "Daddies", and some, like his cousins have two of each. (One step one biological of each). He says it isn't specific things I do, but just a way he feels. I also tried to explain that I want him and his Mom to be as close as he wants them to be. I would love nothing more than for them to have a good relationship. I have tried very hard to help that happen, but she is fighting me at every turn. I think he feels guilty for feeling this way and he is scared about the situation. He told me once that he didn't think she loved him like I loved him and that broke my heart. Anyone else ever been in a similar situation?

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:58 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • thats how my evil mother in law is with my hubby and my son, she never calls and never comes, today was my son's b-day and she didnt even send him anything or called or anything, so u should feel happy he thinks of u in a positive that way. my hubby tells me i'm lucky i have better parents that are nice to us he wishes his were the same way and thats that my parents are divorced.

    Answer by bettyboob83 at 2:12 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • tell him parts of my story and maybe that will calm him down somewhat. Or just all 3 of you sitting down with him to explain its all okay how he feels and its normal. And that no one is hurt by it. He may be sad feeling youre closer then his BM b/c he doesnt want to hurt her. If shes open and honest I think she should talk to him with you and your hubby.

    Answer by AngelicDevil80 at 3:08 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Oh as for her not loving him like you do, try to explain to him people show love different. Its possible she doesnt show love stronger, but she probably loves him more then anything in the world. I dont understand how one doesnt love their children so strongly. She might not be as open to showing him love b/c it might hurt her or she might think it would hurt him more b/c shes not around much :( Im about crying bc he said/feels that way :(

    Answer by AngelicDevil80 at 3:12 AM on May. 6, 2009