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an old love

Before I had my daughters and met my DH, I was in love before. We dated early in college and when things got rough and we broke up (he wasn't mature enough) we still kept in touch. We talked regularly and have since BOTH had children and gotten married/engaged. His relationship has since fallen off (about a year ago.) and we have gotten close again as friends. Lately, he has been throwing alot of "what ifs" my way and I still care for him deeply. I am however, a taken woman. Unhappily so, but taken none the less. We joke about how one day we'll both just "run away" and raise "the brady bunch" in peace. Yet, I don't know how realistic any of it is. I toy with the idea on leaving everyday. Is it OK to have alittle fantasy (w/o cheating) or is it just as damaging as if I were to cheat? Would leaving be justified. Because although I have love for my DH, we haven't been in love for quite some time.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 AM on May. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I personally think that it's just as damaging as cheating, but that's just my opinion. I feel that your past relationship didn't work out for a reason and you both have moved on, I know if I was in this situation I would be fighting for my marriage trying to rekindle the love, I feel that the vows that you say aren't just words. A lot of the time people fall out of love is because there is no communication (says my marriage counselor)

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 2:30 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • No, it's not OK to have a little fantasy. Little fantasies only lead to bigger ones, and more discontentment with your husband. I would suggest you break ties with this old love, and work on your marriage even if it means counceling. Watch the Movie "Fire Proof"

    Answer by rptyner at 2:32 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I don't think it's right what you're doing. It's the same as cheating in a sense because it would hurt your husband likely that you were talking to another man about running off etc...
    Have you considered that your marriage may not be too great because of this guy you've not let go of? I'm not saying that to be mean, but you can't give your heart to more than one person all the way and your marriage will never work out and be good if you're not 100% in or atleast trying and having someone else on the back burner is going to keep causing you to drift further and further away from your husband. If you want out, then get a divorce and pursue this, but if he'd take you from another man, then he wouldn't have a problem cheating himself,
    Fantansy's are in your mind so this isn't a fantasy, you're actually saying/typing these words to a living breathing person... that's real.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:06 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • You should be investing this time in fixing your marriage, not fantasizing about "what ifs".

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:14 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Sorry but I think it IS OKAY to have a "little fantasy!".. that is what keeps us young and hopeful! You wouldn't be having this fantasy if your marriage was great. You, yourself admit your marriage is un-happy. Life is too short to not be happy. Whether you fix your marriage or eventually end it is up to you and your husband. but as long as you aren't getting emotional attached or physically.. there is nothing wrong with a little fantasy... EVERYONE has them throughout their lives whether they admit them to their spouse or not!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on May. 6, 2009

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