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im only 17 and i have a very wonderful daughter. but i live at my mothers.she wont let me move in with the father of my child and honestly dispises him. i have 3 months till i turn 18 but my mother is making my life hell and im not sure what to do need some advice!!!

 
indecisive_mama

Asked by indecisive_mama at 5:28 AM on May. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Why does she hate the father so much? sometimes love is blind, is it just her or is it ALL your family? because if so there is a reason. The only thing you can really do is wait till you are legal to move out have a heart to heart with her, tell her that you feel shes treating you unfair or making your life hell however you wanna put it, but i wouldnt do it in a confrontational way do it when both of you are calm and not screaming eachothers heads off
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 5:36 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • How will you and the father support yours family. What are your plans for the future? Are you planning to complete your education? It is very difficult to get anywhere without a college education. Do you have a college fund started? Do you have a will, guardians chosen for your child in the event of your deaths and life insurance so your child is taken care of? Do you know how to cook, grocery shop, live on a budget?
    Your mother loves you and really wants what is best for you. I am sure that her main concern is that you have not mapped out your lives?
    Good luck to all of you, and feel free to contact me directly if you would like to chat.
    -Robin
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:34 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I would ask your mother if she wants anything to do with your baby, you and YOUR family cause the father is apart of your life and her grandbaby's life. That man she "despises" is her daddy and she should respect that no matter how much she hates him. BUT you should understand that living on your own sucks. This is coming from a 21 year old. I moved out on my own when I was 18. It is not easy. Yeah you can get a job but you can loose it in the same week. You need a babysitter, rent, groceries etc....it gets very expensive not to mention having to maintain it all, take care of the baby and be a good mother and "wife" or girlfriend. You should respect that your mother is allowing you to live with her and her help you. Boundaries should be made yes but you shouldn't hate her for not wanting you to move in with another young, not ready person! You are setting yourself up for failure more then likely. Give it till the end of your..
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 6:54 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • 18th birthday...save in the mean time and then you should move out with your BF or what ever he is to you! GL
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 6:55 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • i would just wait until you turned 18 and then moved out of that is really what you want. i think you should have a plan before you do so though. but the things named above, you do not need all of them.. LIKE... college fund started you SHOULD complete your education but you really CAN find a job that doesnt require one you dont need a guardian but it is smart thinking, you dont need a will....

    but DO think it through thurougly before jumping into anything....
    do what is best for your child.

    you can write me anytime if you want to :) best wishes!@
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 6:57 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Your mom may just be angry with your childs father cause you two had a child together and she may be putting all the blame on him which is very wrong of her and she needs to allow you two be parents together. Give it a few more months when you turn 18 move out. I don't know what state you live in but your mom may not be able to do a dam thing if you move out right away. If you really can't handle it and you really have to move out then look into what your mom can do or not do. Just remember thats your mom and she well always be your mom. Look at this way would you want your child to make any of the mistakes you have made. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders just remember every desion you make will affect your childs life in some way. Its not all about you anylonger, you need to think of your child too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I think you should listen to your mama. I am willing to bet that she has your very best interests at heart and also the interests of your child. As hard as it may be for you to believe, grown-ups can detect bad character a whole lot better than you can. Your mom probably sees things in your boyfriend that your love for him has blinded you to. If you are right and your mom is wrong, then time will prove it. Too many young women rush into relationships, not seeing anything except what they want to see. By the time they actually wake up to the truth of their situations, they have made a huge mess of their lives. Your mom is old enough to know this, and she is trying with all her might to protect you. You are very young to be making lifetime decisions. Listen to her and wait. It would be very wise of you to ask some other people what they think about your young man. The answers may surprise you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:14 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • you can legally move out at 17 in FL. Check the rules in your state.

    Also ask, why is your mom upsetw ith this guy? Can he care for you? Can you care for you and this baby if he decides to leave? Have you finished school and thought about your future? Sometimes there is more than meets the eye and mom might see that with him. Or she might just be upset that her baby got pregnant and is blaming the guy instead of dealing with the situation as a whole and being happy to have a grandchild.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I agree with all of the posters ... first and foremost, I would ask you mom why she doesn't like him so much ... maybe she sees something you don't. One of the above posters put it great - Love is blind. Does he have a job? Can he support you and the child? Will you be working when you move out, or SAHM? Can you afford to stay at home? Whose insurance will you fall under?
    ap9902

    Answer by ap9902 at 10:57 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Is the father a stable person? Has he ever hurt you, whether its physicall, mental or verbally? Has he been supportive during the pregnancy. Is he supprtive now? Spending time with the child? Buying diapers, taking you guys to appoinments? Is he there when you need him? I know its hard, I was in a position like yours a few years ago, I think you should trust your mother. Most mothers will always be there for their daughters, and love them to the end, they never want to see their children hurt. She only wants whats best for you.
    Glickstein

    Answer by Glickstein at 11:15 AM on May. 6, 2009

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