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Where is my son?

My son is 13 (next month). We have never really had too many behavior / discipline problems with him. But in the last couple months it seems my sweet loving son has been replaced by a moody, brooding, spirit crushing monster. He seems to have (overnight) turned into.. well ... being a christian woman I shouldnt use that kind of language.. He he refuses to do his chores, or if he does they are partially done. He rolls his eyes at everything! He has some kind of condition that causes him to drop anything in his hand on the floor, and miraculously become blind to the disaster site formerly called his room. Is there something I can do?.. or has my dear son been replaced by what can only be described as a pod creature?? Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of my sweet son. I am seriously considering exorcism (okay not seriously). Any suggestions or support to offer? or should I just expect condolence cards to start rolling in?

 
Tzutchka

Asked by Tzutchka at 9:15 AM on May. 6, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 10 (374 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • While it is normal, it doesn't have to be acceptable behavior. I would work on one issue at a time. Be sure & sit and talk with his dad and make a game plan. Identify all the prob. areas (smart mouth and back talking, ignoring requests by parents, rolling the eyes, etc) then decide which one to tackle first. I would start with the attitude.

    While being moody is normal, a person in this world has to learn to choose to perk up (as long as it isn't a chemical imbalance) and respond to those in authority properly, so expect him to. Each time he is rude or whiney, stop right there and in your best firm, but gentle tone say "Son, i'm afraid you will have to respond respectfully to me. When I ask you do to something, you will say "yes ma'am." Then make the request again and wait for the proper response. Do this over and over again for one whole day. Treat it like you are training him for the first time. :)
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 12:09 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I'm dealing with the same, or I should say I was. Our 13 yr old is so moody but I think we found the key to getting through. There's a Military School close to where we live and I printed off some info off their website, wrote our sons name on the top of it and left it on the dining room table.
    He saw it and got a very worried look on his face,lol. I told him if he doesn't straighten up then he will be going there in the fall. His room stays clean, he's pulled all of his grades up, and keeps his attitude in check. I hate to have to threaten him, but believe me we tried everything. It was like once he turned 12 he changed. I know it's hormone changes so I told him if he feels like he can't keep it together he needs to go in his room, take a breather and then come back out when he feels better. Let him know you understand what he's going through but you refuse to put up with the attitude.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:28 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Boys turn into totally different creatures from the age of 12 until 20. You have to keep the attitude in check, and the military school info isn't a bad idea, if you have a boot camp nearby you may consider taking him there and explaining to the sergeants what is going on and see if they will talk to him. They did my son, and scared him straight. They just need to see what they could be in for if they choose to do things their way.
    kustomkrochet

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 10:32 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • LOL... I did the military trick with my kids when they were really young. It seemed like every talk show at the time had some episode on putting teens into bootcamp for a day. LOL. So I'd tell them that if they didn't straighten up I would send them there. It works! And now I just have to remind them of the fact that it's still possible.

    Right now I'm having problems with my daughter. She's 12 and doing the moody thing. Just have to stick to your guns. It's just a "right of passage" so to speak.
    jenettyshome

    Answer by jenettyshome at 11:13 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • It's called puberty!!!!!!!!! Keep the lines of communication open. He is going through a lot of changes right now and is probably really confused.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:04 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Please don't do the military school thing! My 50 year old brother STILL resents my parents for that. He was (and still is) a dominating, opinionated, argumentitive SOB who treats my mother (and most women) as idiots, but he didn't do drugs or get into "real" trouble. To this day he resents that my parents so much as considered military school. (and we were an Air Force family!) Good advice is already posted. Keep talking as much as possible. When he seems the most aggravating, try changing your approach... ask "What is on your mind? You seem uptight." "How can I help you? You seem stressed." "What do you need me to do so you'll have time to get ___ done?" My kid has a hard time egging me on when I offer him help. :-)
    cutiemoose

    Answer by cutiemoose at 12:56 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I think you have to approach it with a bit of humor, and to pick your battles. Things like eye rolling never killed anyone, so look past it. Set rules/limits and consquence on important things, and stick to those. My son wears his pants below his butt - well, I figure one day some girl will make a remark that she doesn't like it.. and it will be over, so I don't waste my energy on that (except for major family events). But we also joke, like we sometimes walk around with our pants low to imitate him. And on other things, I do make comments about them becoming weird in their teen years. I have told my son, after things improved following some incidents he had, that I gained trust in him again... "well, you know, as much as a parent can trust a teen!?". And you can give messages about things like drinking... in a silly way too... like 'vomitting all over your outfit is going to ruin you 'look'" and stuff like that.
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 1:26 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • What is it with 13 year old boys. I'm holding on with dear life to my oldest sons memory of being the sweetest little boy w/ a bowl cut haircut. Ahhhhh Why do they have to grow up? I wish you luck. I love to reason with my son like I'm his Buddy. He's still pretty compassionate to my feelings and Thankfully we get alot of compliments on him from Teachers and other parents.
    BigboyMom

    Answer by BigboyMom at 2:47 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Yes, sorry he has a condition, it is NOT terminal unless you get too much attitude and send him back to his Maker. The paperwork is a real chore though. LOL The condition is called "teenage" the next couple of years will be the ride of your life!!! It settles down some about the time he wants to drive and you own the car and permission for him to drive it. It is safe to see the end of the condition either when he gets a girlfriend who won't put up with him and who loves you (cultivate the sweethearts, they can save your life). If she sides with him wait till the last year of school it seems to subside completely then. Buy, beg, borrow or steal the book by James Dobson on teenage boys it may save your sanity or at least give you hope. Be patient this to will pass. Love him he will turn human again.
    higherboundmom

    Answer by higherboundmom at 3:22 PM on May. 6, 2009