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I Need Advice

Hi Ladies,

Need some advice here. I have been with my now(2nd) husband for almost 2 years now. We just got married in Feb. 2009. I have 3 kids (ages 11, 7, and 5) from a previous marriage. My dilemma is that when I first met my husband, he was a recovering addict and was doing great in his recovery. Well he has started to go to bars after work and when we get the rare opportunity to go out w/out kids that is where he wants to go - a bar. He has about an hour and half commute in traffic but he stops at a bar that is right around the corner from home. I am just not into the bar scene and drinking. Alcoholism ruined my first marriage. Plus I grew up around my father and brother who were alcoholics. When I first met my husband he was done with the whole bar scene and drinking. I don't know what to do. Any advice is most appreciated and welcomed.

Answer Question
 
Gidget1972

Asked by Gidget1972 at 10:10 AM on May. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Maybe counseling for you to understand how to break the cycle of returning to a man who drinks? I'm sorry for your pain. Is AA or its' sister site for spouses, partners a help for you? Are you in NJ? I know a church that has AA meetings through out the week and also Fridays and Saturdays nites. Maybe through AA itself or a church you can find a place that meets nearly every day. Prayers for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I'd say you need to understand why you chose an alcoholic a second time. And you need to change your pattern of choosing. It is said that spouses of alcoholics are enablers and highly co-dependent and in need of therapy and recovery themselves. I don't know how long it was between your old relationship and this one, but I have to guess that you didn't take the time you really needed to change your way of choosing. You only have two choices with an alcoholic ( I know this because I had to make this choice - my ex was/is an alcoholic); You can either choose to be a wife to the alcoholic or you can choose to not be with him at all. If you choose the first, you have to learn how to live with him without enabling him or trying to fix him OR you have to choose to not be with him at all. There is no middle ground. You should already know that.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 10:22 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • You should tell him how you feel. You should request that you both go to counseling along with he should go by hisself. If he is a recovering alcoholic then he is more than likely doing things he shouldn't be doing. If he is in a bar all the time then he is more than likely drinking all the time. You need to get yall help now before it does ruin your relationship. Good Luck
    momwifelove

    Answer by momwifelove at 10:24 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Sounds like you didn't change your pattern ( on finding men) and found one similar to your first husband! Are you a "do-gooder".. ex: like to be around/with people that have some problem emotional or otherwise? Does it make you feel good to help them? I think you need to get to the bottom of why you choose similar men and what it is about yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on May. 6, 2009

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