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In the beginning I was very much involved and now I am an outsider, help?

I have two kids (5 and8) and i met my fiance who also has two kids(11 and 13). The mother of the kids walked out on them and was not in the picture. So naturally I fellt the want to nuture and care for his kids like I do for my own. I became attached to them quickly, I can now say I love them. We had a good relationship all of us. once the mother of the kids found out about me she began to harrass us. i never responded. I acted like an adult that I am.She later apologized and I accepted. She became more involved with her kids and I was happy about that. The kids started to come home and act out towards me and their father. We both noticed the difference in their behavior. They became angry all the time and now my fiance is angry all the time as well. His daughter was always okay with me and now she has disrespected me twice. He has not corrected her on it. He told me his kids are not my concern and I have no right. That hurt


Asked by EVE28 at 11:23 AM on May. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • If the kids live with you, YOU have the right to be respected by them! If he wont correct them you do it. I am a step mom. And on rare occasions when they get an attitude problem, usually like in your sistuation after seeing ther BM I tell them to 'loose the attuide before you loose all you crap and all your privilages" They know that I don't play and that one eye roll, smart ass comment, or they don't do their chores that their ipod, laptop, ds, anything with a screen becomes MINE. And they have to earn them back one at a time. At first hubby was a little anyoned that I took everything away. but I AM the one with them when they get home, makes them dinner, and gets off to school and so forth. I will be damned if they are going to treat me with disrepect. The grownups pay the bills, so they need to do as we say... You need to have a talk with your SO fast about what you are feeling,

    Answer by Vanessannd at 1:26 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I would say RUN!!!!!! Fast. Do you want to deal with this for years to come? It is good that you saw he won't support you now rather than later. What will he not back you up on next? GL and break out your NIKE shoes.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 11:41 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I would not listen to the above post, you have children by this man, so don't be so quick to run. I know where I live there is stepparent counceling, try to get your husband to go to that with you.

    Answer by staceynoel at 11:45 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Bull crap to that...I don't care who's kids they are...they should not disrespect you in your own home.
    Would you allow you bio children to disrespect your husband.
    I would stick a boot up your husbands ass and continue to do so until you get the respect you deserve.
    Your family is going to fall apart if this issue is not addressed and worked out.
    You all have a premaid family and premaid familes are harder than the average families.
    There needs to be rules and they need to be enforced by all of the family members.
    Do not allow them to disrespect you, do not allow your husband to disrespect you...

    Answer by Dannee at 12:38 PM on May. 6, 2009