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My husband's relationship with another man

In August I was newly pregnant with my now 4 month old daughter I was checking my husbands e-mail because we were waiting for a message and he asked me to. There was an e-mail but not the one we were waiting for ir was fro a man talking about meating up andsaying that he was worried about my husband because he hadn't text him in a while. I confronted him and he promised me that he had not met anyone, it didn't mean anything and the he was just bored while I was at work. I was concerned and asked him if he were looking for something I cannot give him (as a woman). He assured me that I was. Recently (within about a month and a half) he recived a text message late one night. I asked him about it and he said he didn't know the # I found out later that It was that guy. He told me that he hasn't talked to him and that he didn't want to talk to him but today I found he called and text like 40 times while I was working. what do I say?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on May. 6, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Well.. Is your husband CURIOUS, Bi, or Gay? I think I would sit down & talk to him about that first. Tell him you care for him & accept him in any way he is, but as his wife you need to understand what is going on.. Its important you both lead full healthy lives. and if the relationship is not complete or he is not happy (gay) then it will never work. the sooner he figures out this, the better!
    Ask if he has ever cheated on you, or ever been with a guy. If you have a feeling in your heart he has been unfaithful ask him to get a HIV test! It will be hard but id rather be safe!
    There are just to many question that need to be answered & only he can answer them. who the guy is. what has he done with him.
    Good Luck with it all! This must be very difficult to deal with. feel free to message me!

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 2:11 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Be concerned. My dad acted this same way around my mom w/e-mails and phone calls and then finally after a couple of years, my dad left my mom for that man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Is this a romantic fling or is it completely platonic? Or is that your question?

    Answer by Nathskitten at 1:59 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I think you say "Good bye" you don't need a cheater & if he is gay too this goes way beyond just being unfaithful. I'm sorry but, I would leave him & I'm not one of those people that says "I would never stay with a cheater" because I think couples can work past infidelity if they want to. But, this is different, completely different.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I am so sorry but something is up with that because if it was just a friend, then why the late night texts, the frequent texts etc.
    I'm fairly bold and blunt so I'd call or text the guy myself to see what the deal was. If he's gay, you're in a no win situation because you do not have what he needs in a relationship.
    You obviously see the red flags waving around or you wouldn't be concerned about this. Does your man show any signs or hints that he's attracted to other men? Does he show any curiosity at all? I'd be doing something to find out what's up. It's possible he was in a relationship experimenting with the guy before he got with you and now the guy is wondering what's up and wanting to reconnect again. I don't know but I'd be finding out so you don't waste any more time than you have to with this relationship.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:02 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • This is more common than people realize. My Friend's husband ( of 10 years) recently dropped this bomb on his wife. I had another friend who's husband left her for another man. I also have a very close ( guy) friend who married with a new baby has been carrying on a relationship with another Man. Apparently it is easier and more succeptible for Women to be "bi" than it is for Guys so they hide it.
    It does sound like he is in a relationship with this Man. He obviously is afraid to tell you. He wants to keep these two lives seperate. I wouldn't ask him anymore. I would say "hey I answered your phone and it was so and so and I asked him what was going on.. now do you want to tell me?" See if he comes clean that way ( if your willing to resort to trickery).

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I'm confused. You used the pronoun "he" too much so I dont know which one called and texted 40 times. dh or the other man? Guys just bond sometimes. Just like we women understand each other better than men on some topics, so do men. Even if it 's just a curiosity thing I wouldn't make a big deal about it...unless it was your h that txted 40 times!

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:06 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Poster of question... Um my husband's father is gay and I know that he is currious about it and I know that the man he is talking to is also gay. His father left his mother for another man and I have made many comments that "your father knew he was gay well before he married and had children, how could he wait till a woman is in love and has his children before he comes out" my husband aggred that it's wrong to do this. now I fear i'm next to be left for a man. I am not sure if he is just currious or if he's intrested in being with s man

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • If the other guy is gay, and your hubby is curious about it... then I'd seriously do what someone else suggested and tell one of the two men that the other guy told them about it, now you want to hear their side of things and see what happens. I'd be reading those texts, and I'd be doing some serious investigative things to find out what's going on. It really sounds to me like your hubby is atleast bisexual at the very least had a relationship of some sort with this man whether it's in the past or not, he had or has something with him..

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:50 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I'd say your DH is gay.

    Answer by mlregalado at 6:42 PM on May. 6, 2009