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Would you be upset at your dh?

Today is our 14th anniversary and I know he's forgotten. Even if I mention it to him, he won't want to do anything to celebrate. He's a hard working guy that provides for his family but all the stuff that's important to me, isn't to him. He's the same way about birthday and mother's day. My mother still has to call him before my birthday to remind him and to make plans. If it wasn't for her, I'm sure that would be forgotten too. Do you think I'm making too much out of nothing? He's told me for 14 years that I'm not his mother on mother's day. I'm really depressed over the way he is about this.


Asked by Sue41 at 2:03 PM on May. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (558 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Wow ! 14 years thats awesome... Happy anniversary! When I meet couples who have been together so long and know each other so well ... tI think there is something great about that. I wish I had that. I would definately look past the fact that you have a forgetful hubby. Turn the tables plan a great anniversary show him how appreciative you are of how hard working he is as you mentioned. He will be delightfully surprised and you in return will enjoy your anniversary.

    Answer by EVE28 at 4:51 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I think you're making too much of it, but that's just my opinion, because I'm much the same way as your hubby.

    Answer by EireLass at 2:05 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • i would be upset. if he loves you and you all have been together that long, surley he appreciates all you've dont as mother of his children, i can understand a little about forgettin birthdays, but after bein together that long, i'd be upset. you've raised his children, he should appreciate you for it.

    Answer by IluvZB19 at 2:05 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Some men just aren't good at dates and aren't romantic in the 'traditional' sense but I'm sure he's romantic in his own way....when he goes to the store and surprises you with something you didn't ask for but he knew you would like, that kind of stuff! My dh is the same way, NOT a romantic at all but he does what he can throughout the whole year so it makes up for NEVER getting me anything for X-mas in the 4 years we've been together. He's only gotten me V-day presents twice, one was a dozen roses (we were together for 2 weeks at that point) and this year he got me a bracelet. He usually remembers my b-day but doesn't do anything for it. He told me yesterday that I should go out and buy myself what I want for Mothers Day.......some men just aren't 'balloons, candy, sky writing, newspaper ads, flashy presents' kind of men. Just appreciate that he supports you and is such a great guy and don't stress over the material things.

    Answer by mommabear2008 at 2:08 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I would be upset, those days are supposed to be special, that's what they were invented for. A day to celebrate mothers, A day to celebrate your marriage, you have a right to be upset, you should tell him it bothers you this way.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 2:09 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Some men are like that. You knew it before you married him so why complain now? Make reservations and take him out to dinner if it means so much to you but as for Mother's Day, I agree that you are not his mother and he shouldn't have to do anything for you. Sorry, just my opinion.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:10 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • My hubby is pretty much the same way as far as it's just another day but he does buy me something from the kids and I'm always thankful. But I'd rather have a nice heartfelt card with him writing something personal inside.
    I have come to terms with him not being romantic, and have to count my blessings. He's always nice to me, hasn't hit me, always takes good care of his family and is a wonderful Dad every day of the year so on those days when I want him to be romantic, I just have to remind myself that it's not him and I'm lucky he is the man he is every day of the year.
    I hope you have a happy anniversary tho. Cook a nice dinner or order pizza or something, get a babysitter and just enjoy being together for the evening if you can. Hot bubble bath by candlelight would work for me :)

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:12 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I would be upset too. I thnk I would seriously talk to him and tell him exactly what you just told us. If those things are important to you, even if they aren't to him, he should recognize them simply because they are importnant to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • It's fine to be upset, but now decide what you are going to do about it. Don't just wallow in being upset. Since it isn't important to him, (and the excuse that you aren't his mother is so much piffle, you are the mother to a child or children, supposedly in his household, and should be given your special mother's day including by him, ) what would you like? A nice meal? He won't go out? Then get takeout, most restaurants let you order from their regular menus and you can get wonderful food. You can set the table nicely and have a pleasant meal. Time off? He won't help out or go with you? Then make arrangements and go by yourself or with friends. Same with the other days you would like to celebrate. Don't let that he won't do as you wish make you blue. Get past it and please yourself, you deserve it, and you can do it. You Go Girl!!!

    Answer by Bmat at 2:16 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Some men are just that way- they don't realize that some of us women think it is a special day and want to celebrate. I think you need to accept he is this way- and he will not change. What about if YOU do something nice for yourself, or make plans?
    My husband is like that - -to a certain extent. He does know when my birthday is, what day our anniversary is and will wish me a happy whatever. I know he won't buy me chocolates or flowers. If I want those I buy them myself. He is good about taking me out somewhere nice to celebrate, or he will buy some steaks and grill them for me. So in his own way he does try.

    Answer by MizLee at 2:23 PM on May. 6, 2009