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How do YOU do it?

If you are married to someone who has conflicting beliefs. How do you find harmony when it comes to your children? (This is for everyone.)

We all feel strongly about what we believe...and I agree that we should not pressure our spouse to side with us. How about the kids? Who gets to teach them? I am the mother and it is my JOB to teach them what I feel they should know. It is hard when your spouse and you do not agree. Do you have some advice?


Asked by mo2a27 at 2:09 PM on May. 6, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

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This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I feel for you... you know my story. Just pray and Holy Spirit will lead!

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 2:55 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • My husband is Christian and I'm agnostic, I don't have a problem with the kids learning about religion so if he wants to teach them it's fine with me. I don't know what kind of advise I can give you except to compromise.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 2:12 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • We teach our gs both Christianity and Paganism. He is learning that others believe differently then we do also.
    To me it's a JOINT job for both parents. But it is usually left up to the mother to do all of the teaching wither it's lifes dealings or religion ....
    In our situtation it's usually me doing the teaching and our gs gets both of our religions and also told of others if the topic warrants it...
    For us there is NO one right religion and that is how we are teaching our gs to believe.

    Answer by gmasboy at 2:15 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • We both believe in God just he doesn't agree with everything I believe.

    Answer by mo2a27 at 2:17 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • he converted :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I view it as a joint job between both parents. My dh and I have different beliefs, but we agree on how to raise the kids. I think that the journey towards spirituality has a lot to be said for it and don't want the kids to believe something because I told them to believe it. Dh is alarmed by the way that some people when taught a lot of religious dogma as children are not able to think critically about it later on (his words, not mind.) Because we are different beliefs/races/cultures we don't want to 'favour' one side over the other. Therefore it works for us to talk about what various different people believe, and to encourage them to think about it. I also don't think that you and your dh have to be a 'united front' on all faith issues. It is okay for kids to see that mom and dad can have different beliefs. It is okay if there is no 'easy answer' to some of the big questions. That's how we handle it with our kids.

    Answer by Freela at 2:26 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Oy ! You have my sympathy !
    My husband was raised between two divorced families: his father & step-mother had him in boy scouts and were strong about getting good grades, lots of science conversations at the dinner table, Dad was anti-religion, step-mom was agnostic. His mother & step-father were Jungian therapists, also agnostic, into very liberal politics, art, and "enlightening" drugs. (When he was 13, his mother GAVE him a pipe and some marijuana to smoke.)

    What he learned from the contradictory values of his parents was that there WAS no real good/bad, right/wrong. Anything was ok. (This is the attitude of a majority of our secular society and it has led to countless ruined lives)... At 17, he discovered the Christian Community through his grandmother, and was delighted to find a rational compass for making decisions and evaluating the world around him.
    GIVE your children a spiritually-based frame of reference ...

    Answer by waldorfmom at 2:26 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • My hubby has his beliefs but he doesnt really talk about them or make them a big priority. He holds them near and dear and lets me discuss things with my children if or when spiritual things come up(which isnt often since they are still quite young).

    Our beliefs are very similar but there are a few differences. Thankfully, its not enough to really cause friction.


    Answer by Amaranth361 at 2:29 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I would not be with someone with conflicting beliefs. The bible tells us not be uneqaully yoked with an unbeliever. I have friends who do not believe as I do, but I would not marry someone and try to raise chldren with them in this envronment. it would only prove to belittle one parents' beliefs to the children and confuse them about the truth.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • ... to grow up with. They can freely re-think their religious ideas in high school and college. Don't fool yourself that raising children without religion is leaving them free - it actually is actively teaching them that religion is not worth any attention (after all, it wasn't worth their parents' attention ! ) If one of the other of you IS religious, allow the richness of religious festivals and traditions to brighten your children's lives, rather than forcing upon them the vacuum of non-spirituality.
    ... If both of you are religious with differing beliefs, practice both ! Our children had NO problem participating in various Jewish festivals, Christian Community festivals, and some Greek Orthodox.
    A marriage is supposed to be founded on respect. Respect leads you to WANT to facilitate family practices which are important to your spouse, not to veto them.

    Answer by waldorfmom at 2:35 PM on May. 6, 2009