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Husband lying about contacting Gay man? Re:post

I caught my husband talking to gay men online, he told me that it ment nothing and that he was just messing around. His father is gay and I thought maybe he was just currious about it. Then my husband recived a text one night and he said he didn't know the number, which I later found out was the same gay man he was talking to online. Hubby told mt that he didn't talk to him but a few times and really didn't care if he ever talked to him again. but I was looking at my cell information today looking for a old phone call and found that there were about 40 text between this man and my husband and a phone call all happening on one of the nights I had to work. I am mad that he is lying about this and really want to know if there is something going on but I know he has lied before and I don't know if he will be honest. I am hurt and pissed off about the lying and I don't know how to confront him. We've talked about it in the past.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on May. 6, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Hmm well the majority of the time...straight men do NOT contact gay men and go out of their way to talk to them unless they were friends to begin least from what I've seen. Are you sure your husband isn't bisexual or gay? If he's lying about talking to gay men then I can tell you there is something going on. I would tell him to fess up and tell you the truth. If he doesn't want to, you need to leave him until he decides to be honest about what's going on. If he is doing something behind your back, especially if it is something sexual with another person, your health is at risk if you are still intimate with him. Demand the truth about what is going on. If he doesn't want to tell you, then leave. If he does tell you and you think you can work through it, than try. If you don't think you can, which I wouldn't if I found out he was cheating, you need to leave.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 4:16 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Bring it to his attention. If he is doing something you have the right to know if your having sex with him as well. STDS are not a joke and its not worth your health to risk his lies.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 4:12 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Your going to have to bring this up to him, and figure out if you believe him or not. I myself wouldn't get to close sexually if you know what I mean. You never know. Chances are he is leaning towards men, and is possible having an affair w/ this other guy. JMO

    Answer by Tiffany237 at 4:16 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • an apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If he's not gay, I think he's at least intertaining the thought. Why would he msg 40 msgs if he wasn't. Why are you still there. I'm sorry for what your going through, but why would you want a man that you think is gay. There are way too many diseases out there to be fooling around. IMO

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • It can't be easy for him to face what may be a possibility so I don't think the lying is intentional to hurt you. Let him find himself. Just tell him no matter what, you want to support him. He might relax and talk to you about it then. If you are angry with him he'll just shut you out of that part out of fear of rejection or judgment.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:24 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • WOW these answers are way to long.
    Tell you hubby that you dont care if it is a man or a women....cheating is CHEATING. His behavior is not acceptable and if he keeps it up he will find himself one wife shy of a straight marriage.

    Answer by LimoMOM5 at 4:49 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Thank you everyone for the help!! In my heart I don't think he has been physical with this individual but I do think CHEATING doesn't always mean sleeping with someone. Obviously he knows he's doing something wrong when he's contacting this person because he only does it when I am not home and he's really protective of his phone. I tried checking his phone but he constantly deletes his text messages. My daughter is only 4 months old and I have a 2 year old step son who has been in my life for over a year and I am terrified that I am going to lose him. I really wish that I was enough for him not to look elsewhere.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Wow, I would surely be upset. It's not every day that your straight husband makes a point to send 40 texts to a gay man that is "no big deal". I would tell your husband (1) dont' lie about who he talks to or straight and (2) If there are sexual things going on with in himself, he needs to be up front and honest with you. It's not fair for him to venture out and try out these feelings (if there are in deed any) while your at home worrying about all this. I would call a counseler and set up a meeting by yourself, then with your husband. Hope it all works out well. Good luck.

    Answer by Mrs.Phillips007 at 5:32 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • What exactly do you want to hear? You have already asked this.. brought this to everyone's attention and gotten a bunch of responses. Don't beat around the bush, tell him you know and you don't want to be with a gay guy...

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I want this not to be happening I don't want to be terrified that I am going to lose my husband and my step son. I want for the alarm clock to go off and realize that this is all a nightmare. I don't want to hear anything... I did ask this earlier and I though if maybe I asked again at a later time someone might read it and tell me that i've been punked... I don't know what I'm looking for.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on May. 6, 2009