Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

As a hopeful adoptive parent I wonder- *2 part question*What are the key factors when choosing a family for your child? Does Race Matter?

I ask this question because when it comes to choosing a child - I have no preference - I believe that if you have time, patience and love along with a home and the financial ability to take care the child needs - that's all that is important to me.

Answer Question
 
dngoodwin73

Asked by dngoodwin73 at 5:26 PM on May. 6, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Race does matter in some cases. Many agencies will not place a white child with a black family or a black with a white. In some states with large Native American populations the rules are very strict about who can and cannot adopt them. There is one Lakota Sioux agengy that allows no one not Lakota to adopt their children.
    It is good that you are open. If you want a 'baby' the waits are long an tedious. Older children get lost in the system and often age out. Leaving them with no one. There are many medically fragile children as well. You have to decide what you can and can't do. They are hard choices. We adopted a son, 6 years old. He is of asian decent and we are not. He was also born with some severe medical problems. We don't know what they told his birth parents but his medical issues are barely on the radar anymore. He just needed good care, and people who wouldn't beat him for being born imperfect.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Race does matter. You can be blind and think love is all you need. It may be all YOU need but your child will need good role modeling, healthy self-image about his/her ethnicity, and a community of people that are like them. It is possible to have a healthy set up but it takes a lot of hard work.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I applaud you for not caring about race. Neither did we when we adopted : )
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • im not adopting or giving a baby up.. but i can tell you my opinion
    race does not matter at all, i have friends who have adopted outside their race
    if i were adopting my baby out i would want to feel comfortable in the fact that there was a loving home thats what most important of all
    good luck
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 6:09 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • My family is mixed - I have several nieces and nephews that are biracial and one of the parents is not, and no one questions or wonder - they are all beautiful and understand who they are and are given the space and be themselves. I truly believe in this time - if you are open - and willing to do the hard work as you you said - with a mix of Love and self confidence- they will grow up strong in their identity. They see what you show- If you are confident in who you are they will be also.
    dngoodwin73

    Answer by dngoodwin73 at 6:16 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I think trans racial families tear down walls and build much needed bridges that help to destroy the ignorance that fuels racism!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I dont think race should be THE factor. However, I think that a birthmother should keep it in mind. I had a bi racial child that I placed, and I wanted her in a biracial family. And that is what I did.

    Love is love regardless of color. However for ME, it gave me comfort that both my daughters races are in the home and there is someone there who is able to teach her, her culture. Someone in her shoes so to say.
    TLW514

    Answer by TLW514 at 9:09 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I like to say race doesn't matter.. and it really shouldn't.. but when I look at my son who has dark skin and dark hair like I do (Italian from the father and german from me) compared to his adoptive parents and sibling who have blonde hair and blue eyes it often worries me if he will feel like he doesn't "fit."

    This didn't bother me or even worry me at all in the beginning, but when I saw him last is when I really noticed it and it bothered me.

    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 9:39 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • We were open to a child of any race both times, but happened to be chosen by women of our same race. It didn't matter to us, but our agency showed us videos of adult adoptees who shared how they felt they didn't fit with either race. They said that the adoptive parents should have friends of the child's race and find a way to expose the child to that culture.

    I think it is very helpful that you have a variety of races in your family. One thing we had to consider is that my paternal grandfather and his daughter (my dad's sister) were racist. My aunt embarrassed me in public more than once. We were willing to discontinue visits if our children were not treated with respect and dignity. My grandfather passed away before we adopted, and we did not end up adopting outside of our race. Something to think about, though.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:48 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • One of our SWs put it so nicely to us. She said take your daily life and see how many people of different races you interact with on a daily basis. It really made us look at the people we have in our lives right now. One of our kids is the same race as us, the other is not. However, we live in an area where our second child is the same culture as many of our neighbors and other people we work with. We have plenty of people who would be more than happy to help out with questions. One of our most important thoughts was that we didn't want a child to feel like they didn't fit in our family. I have heard many different families that have adopted children of races other than their own and they felt it was important to adopt other children that shared the same race as their first child. So just our experience.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 AM on May. 7, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.