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My son is having problems with his father (my Ex) and my fiance HELP!!!

I have been separated for 5 years now and have been with my fiance for 4 years now. my son calls my ex father and my fiance dad (at my son's insistance). My ex keeps telling my son that my fiance is a bad person and I'm a bad mom. he also tells him that we are only "playing house and don't really care about him and only have custody to make him mad" All this has had a major affect on my son's attitude at home and school behavior wise and grade wise. WHAT CAN I DO?!?


Asked by mustang137 at 10:05 PM on Jun. 20, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (11)
  • this is odd to say, but we have an opposite situation. I am the step mom and my husband has custody. Fortunately, because my husband knows his ex very well, he had a clause that stipulates no one can harrass or bad mouth another party involved, extending that clause to include me. Check your divoroce decree and see if that provides any assistance

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • Tell your ex that if he doesn't stop his own behavior you will hire an attorney and fight to allow him NO unsupervised visits, because in essence he is damaging your childs mind. Period.

    Answer by love_my_boys at 10:13 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • i agree with the PP. if telling him to stop doesnt work, go to an attorney

    Answer by 4weeman at 10:23 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I also agree with the above. Also you may want to check your child custody papers, some state there will be no bad mouthing of absent parent along with open lines of communications between all parties. A group adult meeting that includes your ex, your fiance, yourself and a mediator if ness is another option with the goal to help the child may tame the ex.

    Answer by aubrianasangel at 10:30 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Personally, I wouldn't start out confrontational. Yes, this is a crucial issue, but if you can find a way to communicate to him the detrimental nature of what he is doing you will come out better in the end. Do all you can to impress on him the fact that the person being hurt the most by his bitterness and critical words is your son. Let him know that you don't care how he feels about you or your relationship, but that putting his son in the middle is affecting him adversely, and you know he is not that kind of father. ;-)
    Exhaust every solution before bringing out the threats. Once you "go there" it will stay ugly, and if you can pull yourself and your son OUT of the mire in any other way, I believe that would be to everyone's benefit in your situation. (But of course, I realize that some men just don't see the light, in which case you may just have to resort to taking legal action.)
    Best of Luck to you.

    Answer by DivaMomCC at 10:32 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I wish it was that simple. I'm a welfare mom and have no money for lawers and his family is very well off and spends lots of cash on the best lawers they can find to twist everything i say and do while making him look like the good guy and me the horrible mom. Trust me if I could afford attourneys like he has then I would have been rid of his dead beat non-child support paying butt years ago!

    Answer by mustang137 at 10:32 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Well I think your ex should be adult enough to not talk about you to the child....geez how childish. I would talk to your ex about this...perhaps say it makes your son very upset after seeing him when he talks negatively about you. Good luck. I wish you the best.

    Answer by Mimomof3boys at 11:08 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • fo one you need to contact a lawyer about your sons fathers parenting plan and maybe get him on emotional abuse, get your son into counsiling by himself and with you and your fiance.

    Answer by erins2ndbaby at 11:11 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • WOW agree with all the other answers I am a divorced & thier father is another of the dead beats out there!!!!!!!!

    Answer by ouromnifamily at 11:50 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • oh & I would pursue it first by therapy 2nd attorney!!!

    Answer by ouromnifamily at 11:51 PM on Jun. 20, 2008