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What do you think would be the appropriate response?

My husband just started using his visitation for his 3 year old son. We have seen him twice in the last 2 weeks (they live 4 hours away). The first time we took him to the zoo and he smelled like animals and come to find out they have 6 little dogs and 10 ferrets. Last weekend he came to our house and spent the night and she dropped him off smelling like animals and dirty socks but his socks were clean, I assumed he hadn't been washed in a few days. The next morning I gave him a bath and washed all his clothes and the smell went away. Also, when we returned him from our outing to the zoo she told him "Mommy had fun without you today. Next time they are taking you overnight."
I don't know what to do. I don't want to overreact since we haven't been in his life that much but I am growing more attached to him and don't want him treated like that. TIA

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on May. 6, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (5)
  • She said that TO him??? Talk about giving a kid a self esteem issue. I think the best thing you could do is just try as best as you can to develop a working relationship with her. You can;t really control what goes on in her home, but when hes with you, make it the best time hes had. The father might be able to talk to her and ask her about the animals and the smell. He has right to say something about it too. Maybe as time goes on, she will let you guys spend more and more time with him and one day...maybe he will get his chance to live with you. Don't give up on that. Sounds like mom doesnt even want him.

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:03 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Start documenting everything. There may come a time that you feel he is in a poor environment. If it comes to that and you go to court, the documentation will support your claims.

    Answer by specialwingz at 7:04 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I agree with the above and maybe she'll let you have him a lot so he can see what it's like to live in a normal home. Take some time to figure out what is going on in that home. Maybe you can go inside when you visit next and check it out.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:20 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • So it doesn't sound like Mom is very good at cleaning her son. But aside from a bad feeling and a smell she hasn't done anything wrong. I agree with the document everything. Get a composotion notbook and keep a log. If you see anything that gives you cause photograph it, preferable with the camera that puts the date on it. Most importantly try and develop a good relationship with Mom. Maybe she just skills to be the kind of parent you would expect. You would not belive the power of a good mentor, show her how to be better, she may surprize you. Maybe the animals have the run of the house and that is the issue?

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 7:48 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Your husband should try for full custody. Ferrets are not legal in many states.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:04 AM on May. 7, 2009

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