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Punished and heartbroken?

11 year old stepdaughter has always been such a sweet and good kid, never caused much trouble. Today she got caught skipping the last 2 classes in school to go with friends to Mcdonalds, and turns out she did this Monday and Tuesday as well, and also has not done her homework this week. Why school didn't call before about the skipping I don't know but anyway,
Dh told her she was grounded without privileges for two weeks, and took the Tv out of her room. It is the first time she has been grounded before. Now she is sobbing and sobbing and whining in her room for the past 2 hours. I tried to consule her but she was still too upset about being in trouble with her dad she said. Well Dh is feeling that he came down too hard on her, and that he should lift the punishment this once.
Do you think that would be a good or bad idea? Would it make matters better or worse?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on May. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I say you need to watch who she has been hanging out with. I don't think that the punishment is to harsh. She is cry because she probably feels guilty and mad that she is so much trouble. But if you lift the punishment she may learn that all it take is a little tears. She could also be feeling bad for her actions since she usually does not do these kind of things. I say you again about the friend thing. I was a crazy teenager at that age. It was mostly so I could fit in with the cool crowd. At some points preteens and teens are still like little children seeing how far they could push there parents. I was a big daddy's girl. I got away with a lot. Once I learned how. I was a good child. Its just the ppl that I decided to associate my self with. Well good luck with the situation


    Answer by akmami0f4 at 8:29 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • She knows the behavior is wrong and the fact she has done it more than once in one week lets you know she is testing to see what she can get away with. If you lift the punishment now she will do something else and test you even more as she has never been punished by you. Don't let her get away with it, the crying and being upset is because she got caught not because she is grounded. She will get over it and the punishment will be done before she knows it.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 8:13 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • i would keep it, shes old enough that that is an acceptable form of punishment. i think if you were to take it away than she is just going to use the crying and making dad feel guilty to try to get out of other things. maybe after a week if she has done everything she should be in school and at home and been good about the punishment she can get the t.v. or something back, but i'd stick it out, she'll be ok

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:14 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Definitely worse. He gave her a punishment, seems to be a well deserved punishment...It may hurt now, but she needs to know that skipping school is unacceptable and it will not be tolerated! How did she get to McDonalds? Walk? Did he tell her she is grounded for a certain amount of time, like a week or 2 weeks? He needs to let her know her boundaries, and stick to his guns! Let your husband know that he is definitely not doing anything wrong by punishing her!! Good Luck, she is getting into those teen years and its gonna get rough, don't set urselfs up for disaster!!

    Answer by pamelajqs at 8:16 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • No, no, no! Do not change anything.
    Yes, this is the first real trouble she has been in. What do you want her to learn...
    (1) You have high expectations because you know she is so capable and thus you have stiff punishments?
    (2) If she cries long enough she can bend you around her fingers, teaching her that punishments are all talk?

    Sit down with DH and draw up a list of possible bad behaviors for the coming couple of years and agree the punishments before hand. But for now, stick to what you said.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 8:18 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • OP here--Thank you ladies, I think it is hard for dh because thats his baby girl, and its hard to see her upset, but I think he should stick to it as well.
    The Mcdonalds is about 3 blocks away from the school, so 3 of her other friends walked there together with her. He told her she was grounded for 2 weeks, which seems reasonable to me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • She did wrong and dad should not lift the punishment. SD may be upset because her parents are disappointed in her, not that she is being punished. When she calms down, talk to her about why she was punished and that she will make many more mistakes growing up and will be punished for it. That she is loved and that her parents just want the best for her. She just learned a valuable lesson, there are consequences to every behavior.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:57 PM on May. 6, 2009