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How long should should you support your DH/SO's dream when its starting to seem...unrealistic?

I have been with my SO for over 10 years, known him for 14 years. As long as I have known him, he's always wanted to pursue music. It was fine when we were kids, but now we are in our 30's and nothing is coming to fruition. Its borderline obsession, IMO. He's done some shows in the past and he has recorded a few singles that didn't make it past the local scene. He has yet to complete an album.

I want to support him, but I feel like I need to tell him enough is enough. I told him to get a timeline and work towards some deadlines. He looked at me like I was crazy.

Any words? Similar experiences? Please share.

Answer Question

Asked by KellyParadise at 8:45 PM on May. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (41 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I dont care what the dream you support it as long as they believe how would you like it if he crushed ur dreams???? If it makes him happy then let him do his thing, and maybe you should believe a little more. If you tell him its time to give up and move on, he might resent you for the rest of your lives... not a good idea!!!

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 8:50 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • If you are gonna dream, them dream big...

    BUT if you are really serious about your dreams and goals, I would think you would put more effort into actually getting things done rather than keep it up on a hobby level.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 8:50 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Maybe just keep supporting him. I guess as long as it isnt hurting you guys financially or relationship wise, let him go. My husband always has "new ideas/dreams"... new resturaunt, some sort of fishing thing.. you name it he's on it... at one time Id tell him how Unrealistic I thought it was, and then I was accused of being "UNsupportive. So I just let it go... it wasnt hurting anything but his ego lol. Finally he got to the point where he just dropped it. Apparently this wasnt something he just started but has done for years. Just let your husband have his fun with it, if he thinks its going somewhere, let him have at it. Good Luck!

    Answer by sailfishmommy at 8:52 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • ozarkgirl - that's my issue!!! I felt if he was really serious about it, he would get up and do something instead of sitting the basement tinkering around with his equipment, kwim? Meet some people! Get like 5 songs going, book a venue and sell the maxi single at the show!

    I feel like its turning into a hobby.

    IDK - the upside is that he is working a day job, so I'm not totally annoyed.

    Answer by KellyParadise at 8:54 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • Thanks sailfish.

    He's making money, but he doesn't pull his weight around the house which is tough. I do get a little resentful. Its like I have to put my goals on the back burner to keep him happy.

    Answer by KellyParadise at 8:56 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • maybe it has just turned into a hobby now, but in the back of his mind, he still feels like he has to "pursue the dream" aspect of it. i would really just let it go, as long as its not affecting his real job or anything like that

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:58 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • vab..good point.

    Answer by KellyParadise at 9:01 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I think we're living the same life! I can't get it through his head that maybe he should consider another career. Go figure, he's playing his second show this week tonight (on his daughter's 9th bday) and will be playing another tomorrow and Sunday. Will he get paid? Heck no! But, he'll get "exposure". Whatever. It's to the same people over and over and I'm sick of trying to be "supportive". I'm kinda to the point of just screaming mad frustration.

    Answer by sparrowprincess at 9:05 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • As long as he has a day job, let him have his dream. But i wouldn't go for the putting your dreams on the back burner part. If you do too much around the house, he has to do more. (I'm guessing you also work?) tell him that YOU need to put your energy into your writing, painting, whatever you come up with and divvy up the cooking and cleaning.

    Answer by whirlygirl at 9:09 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • whirly - thanks! You are right! I do work and I could be earning more if he gave me time to focus on my career.

    Answer by KellyParadise at 9:15 PM on May. 6, 2009

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