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Does this make me a bad mom?

Ok. I have two jobs. I work full time as a server at a restaurant, and sometimes work 13 hour days. Then I hustle to my other job...cleaning houses whenever I have off from my other job. My friend watched my son today and had a list of "concerns." She watched him for about 4 hours. We dropped him off first thing in the morning, and then my husband picked him up a little later. When he got to the door she told him our son was "filthy," because we hadn't given him a bath yesterday (I actually worked 13 1/2 hours yesterday) and that he was possibly "malnurished" because he has pale legs and was "starving" when she fed him. Well, yeah! He hadn't eaten breakfast yet! He's always starving in the morning. Here's the kicker. She said my 12 month old is on the same level as her 8 month old...because he's not trying to walk yet. She said my house is filthy and it breaks her heart my son has to live there...TBC.

 
metalhealthmama

Asked by metalhealthmama at 8:58 PM on May. 6, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (30)
  • No you don't "suck" at parenting. Don't worry about what she said, she is living a completely diff situation than you are and she has no right to judge. As far as not giving your son a bath every day, well welcome to the club! There were many times when I didn't give my son a bath everyday and he was not filthy! Maybe her kids get too dirty cuz she's not watching them good enough and so they NEED a bath everyday! And most kids get diaper rash at some point. My son had a horrendous diaper rash at one point and I had to take him to the pediatrician and I felt like such a bad mom. But my pedi is the greatest and she said it best, if you peed and pooped in your pants every day you'd eventually get a rash too! I would not let her watch my kids anymore though. As hard as you work and all that you and your hubbs endure, you really don't need a smart mouthed little bitch who isn't even out of teens yet telling you what you need to do
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 9:12 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • It sounds like you may have a little too much on your plate. Try devoting a little more time to your DS. If he doesn't "improve" then you have proved her wrong and you will have spent more time with your LO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • My house isn't filthy...I clean on Tuesday mornings. She's only been over to my house once, for my son's birthday party! Of course it was messy&there were at least 10 toddlers running around eating cake!

    My son had diaper rash and she said that it was because he was sitting in his stool&obviously I don't change his diapers often enough! I change my son as soon as he needs to be!

    Finally, let me add that this "friend" is a 19 year old stay at home mom. She has two kids, a 4 year old and an 8 month old. Her husband works full time and pays the bills. Her father will watch the 4 year old during the day if she's being bratty. I don't have that. I don't have a network of never ending help!

    Now I'm not ragging on her for her age or being a stay at home mom. I'm just saying its easier to clean your house&give your kid baths if you've got a babysitter for one kid, a maid, and you're home all day anyway.

    So do I suck at parenting?
    metalhealthmama

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 9:04 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I guess I should point out I can't afford to cut back my hours...Its not like I WANT to work constantly.
    metalhealthmama

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 9:06 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • i think i'd find someone else to watch my kids. she obviously loves your son or she wouldn't express those concerns but it just sounds like she is being judgemental of you and your spouse. if you feel that she is right though, than you need to find a way to fix it, be it cutting back with work, or having your husband help out more where he can
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 9:07 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • sorry didn't see that til after i posted
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 9:07 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I would not call her a friend to start this off... First of all you work hard and the last thing you need to do is be worrying what this girl thinks. If she was watching him and he was "starving" that would have been her fault! And every child develops at their own rate, what is she a frickin doctor! I know by the end of the week my house isnt the cleanest, because I worked all week but I clean every sunday. I would hate to say it but she doesnt sound like a friend anyways, I would becareful and be conserned that she would call child pertective services! And you should tell her where to put her "list of concerns" lol
    mrsmamaj

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 9:08 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • well in that case your friend sounds like an a$$. lol.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • I don't think it makes you a bad mom. Life can be stressful and we all do things diffrent. So ppl think the worst of everything. Don't let her compare babys. All children are diffrent. I have four and They were all very very diffrent. My oldest didn't walk until twelve months and one started a nine months. Some ppl can be anal.
    akmami0f4

    Answer by akmami0f4 at 9:10 PM on May. 6, 2009

  • And I don't mean to insult any of the teen moms on here. My sis was a teen mom and a great one at that. But she was not like the whacko spoken of here. Until she has to work a full time job (or two) she will have no clue what it's like to leave your babies everyday.
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 9:14 PM on May. 6, 2009