I found out that my 14 almost 15 year old daughter lost her virginity when she spent a week at her dads. When I told her I heard she had sex she admitted it and I wanted to scream inside, but stayed calm and asked her why she chose this kid and if they used a condom. Thank God she used a condom and she said she thought she loved him. But later found out he just said it to get in her pants. BUT here is my problem..she asked me not to tell her dad,grandma or her step-dad (my husband). I told her I wouldn't. Her dad is a "dead beat dad" and I know she isn't supervised the way any 14 year old should be. I want to tell her dad so he understands why he has to watch her so close. BUT I know she will know I am the one who told him. I don't want to lose the little bit of trust and communication we have. If I tell her dad she won't talk honestly with me knowing I broke her trust. WHAT SHOULD I DO??Answer Question
Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
I don't think dad needs to know. If she told you something in confidence you should keep that. Just remind him that she is growing up and she needs more supervision than she is getting over there. Most importantly, talk to her! Remind her that she doesn't need to get into that kind of situation if she isn't comfortable. I lost my virginity at 14 and stayed with the guy for 3 years. It's not the end of the world mom : ) Try to keep her open and talking with you, which is much more important than ratting her out to her dad. Talk about safe sex, love, infatuation, boys, etc, whenever you can.
Answer by sapient at 3:31 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
That's a tough one. If you could go back, saying something like, "I understand how difficult it may be for you to have your dad hear about this, but this is why choosing to have sex is such a big deal. Unfortunately I may have to tell your dad because it's under his roof that you chose to do this." Then I would reiterate that you aren't going to BLAB to the world, but you may have to bring it up to the father.
Answer by wearingyourbaby at 3:44 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
Of course, you've already told her that you weren't going to tell her father, and I think now you are bound by that. You can, on the other hand, remind the father that she's 14, and if he remembers, you were __ when you lost your virginity. (or how ever old he was...). I'd also remind him that even if he trusts her, there ARE boys around now, and it may be very hard for her to say no. By approaching it this way, you are expressing your concern, you are reminding him how important it is that she be supervised, and you aren't breaking your trust with your daughter.
Answer by wearingyourbaby at 3:45 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
Answer by jellyphish at 10:32 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
Answer by admckenzie at 10:42 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
Answer by Kaylasmomma21 at 11:43 AM on Aug. 7, 2008
Answer by streetangel66 at 3:29 PM on Aug. 7, 2008
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