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Do you ever feel like dropping you kids off at the grandparents and not looking back for a couple weeks or longer?

When i had my daughter i didn't want children, not saying never just not for a good while (5-10) years . I was only 19. Now I'm fighting threw part time school work decisions and life decisions all around her. What do i get for it? Bad behavior and her braking everything. I feel like i have a migraine everyday ( I DO) and I can't study like i really need to. Plus we are doing potty training and that's not working well. I am married but DH works and then comes home and becomes another child. Plus we live with his family and they drive me nut to the point that i can't stand them. And i also take care of my terminal grandfather because I'm a CNA the family pays me so i don't have to pay childcare. But at this point in my life i don't know if it's being a parent or just everything wearing me down but i HATE EVERYTHING. And i feel unfair to my DD cause i have short patience. What should i do? Please no BASHING!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on May. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Well you have a lot on your plate. You need time for you so maybe letting her stay with someone else for a few days will do you both some good. Bad behavior is just a way to get attention and kids have no idea that bad behavior is the wrong attention to get. She is acting out for your attention and she gets it. Try positive reenforcement with her. If she breaks something calmly talk to her about why she broke it and explain to her she can and will not break things in the house. Get on her level and talk to her eye to eye not standing over her. Kids respond better if your on their level. How old is she? Ask her if she is mad or sad, maybe take some time and have just mommy/daughter time so she feels special. You have your grandfather and school that take your time up and all she wants is your time and love and affection. Have someone watch her while you do your school work and set aside time for her.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:51 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • (hugs) aw mom, its natural to feel like that sometimes. Do you ever get "me" time?Thats so important. I think its everything coming down on you and dd is getting the backlash, and youre right hon, its not fair. Have you considered an antidepressant med? maybe that would help. I think if you got some me time every few days, it would help, so ask the the inlaws to watch her, lie say you have a doc's appt, dentist, whatever...and go get your nails done, or a massage, or hell sit in a park with a book for an hour. and dont forget, you can lock yourself in a bathroom with headphones on for 15 mins at a time and dd will be fine, plus if you do that hubby will have to grow up and parent. Good luck.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:51 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • Sounds like you have too much on your plate. You need to talk to dh and let him know that you're stressed and need some 'time' everyday just for you to sit down and either study or take a bath or whatever you want! He is the father and needs to be helping you out when you need it not making it worse! Is there any way to take break from college for a few years until dd is older and either in school or at least easier to handle? If you're stressed with life you will take it out on dd and that's not fair to her, take a step back, re-evaluate what are priorities and what can be put on hold for a little while. Everyone gets stressed, don't feel bad but your daughter should be your #1 concern!
    mommabear2008

    Answer by mommabear2008 at 9:52 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • this is poster:
    I just started school and can't take a break with out breaking contracts with my loans and having to pay them back now instead of when i graduate plus that's the only me time i get.
    Anti-depressants have been running threw my mind because I'm completely unhappy with life and having to much on my plate and coming home to people who try to tell me how to raise my kid (in-laws) and don't do things my way help elevate the stress and first thing in the AM DH grandmother gets DD out of bed and does what ever she wants which is a constant fight cause i gotta get up get ready and then get DD ready when she could have done that instead of give her Chocolate milk and not brush her teeth. I'm like if your going to "help" than HELP. But that's a different story.
    DD is 2 and i know terrible twos are the cause but i can't handle any more mess and problems when I'm already so tightly wound
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • Is there any way to have dd's clothes picked out and set somewhere the night before so grandma would be able to just grab them and do it so she doesn't have to actually go looking for clothes for her? Maybe she'd help more if it were 'easier' on her....I know, how hard is it to pick out a darn outfit and dress a 2 year old? lol I think you need to DEMAND your dh help you! Tell him that you are stressed and need some help, plain and simple! He can step up or you can force him to step up, leave for a little while so he HAS to care for dd. Eventhough since you live with in-laws he'd probably just push dd off on them...at least that's what mine would do! Any possibility of getting your own place? You may just need some 'space of your own'.
    mommabear2008

    Answer by mommabear2008 at 10:19 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • Ran out of room....
    Spend quality time with dd EVERYDAY, she's fighting you for attention. Kids at that age are 'testing and trying' but you need to instill in her that bad behavior is NOT the way to get attention. when she misbehaves, punish her and then move on. When she does something good praise the living crap out of her EVERYTIME you see good behavior so she recognizes that good attention is more rewarding than bad. I know about in-laws thinking they know best...most of the time they're wrong but eventhough most parents HATE to see it sometimes suggestions from others are good things. Hear out your in-laws, explain to them why you disagree or agree with what they're saying. In the end she is your daughter and you do have final say BUT don't disrespect them by telling them to 'shove off'..lol They'll respect you more if they feel they're not being blown off and they may just start helping you YOUR way if they respect you
    mommabear2008

    Answer by mommabear2008 at 10:23 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • to mommabear2008
    No we are trying to sell or condo that my DH owns with someone else we just married 1 year ago so he is step father. Also make it as easy as possible dh grandmother just wants to do her own thing i've told her don't get her out of bed if your not going to at least dress her and give her vitamin and she still does. She lets dd do whatever she want if she don't wanna sit on potty she lets her pee her pants instead of making her she lets her eat junk in place of dinner and bargains in her behalf like she doesn't want it does she HAVE to eat it. also will come in while she's on the potty says she"t have to pee let her up after one minute of trying. I would defiantly move out if i could i'm tired oh be doesn ing under-minded
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • Wow, that's gotta be tough! Sorry it is that way for you! Seems like talking to her isn't helping. She's one of those 'I know best, I've done it for longer than you have been born' kind of people....I would make sure that when dd wakes up YOU are up and keep her with you while you're getting ready, don't let g-ma have a chance to step in. When she's going potty, close and lock the door behind you and sit in there singing as loud as you can if you hear g-ma coming so you 'can't hear her knocking or calling you to give you advice'...lol My MIL tries to butt in all the time when I'm trying to talk to my dd she'll say something WHILE I'M TALKING telling my dd what to do. I just get down to dd's level, tell her look at ME and listen TO ME and then repeat what I said, totally cutting MIL off at the knees and ignoring her. She got the hint eventually! lol TAKE A STAND AS THE PARENT!
    mommabear2008

    Answer by mommabear2008 at 10:35 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • Yes, I do. I feel that he would be better off without me because I can't find a fulltime job to support him, I am on foodstamps and medical. I hate the fact that I have to struggle just to get him the basics, not anything special. We have never been on a vacation in 13 years. He doesn't have a lot of material things, our house is in a crime infested neighborhood. I feel like the worst parent ever. And he loves me unconditionally.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:48 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • Yes, sometimes I just wanna be me, only me, not required to do anything for anyone else. Quite a lot actually. Usually after a couple days away(I travel for work) I find myself ready to come home and hold my babies.
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 10:58 AM on May. 7, 2009