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Would you stay married?

I have a friend who is a Christian (I am not bashing any religion just stating this for facts) who is absolutely miserable in her marriage. She is controlled by her husband, she is constantly forced to choose between him and her three children from a previous marriage. For two years the kids have been pushed aside and begged for more from their mother. She went to her pastor for help and he told her to put her DH first. She doesn't feel that is right and wants to put her children first because she feels that is what's best for them (FYI she is pregnant with his child). She told him a few days ago the marraige is over and now the pastor has come back and is making her feel that she has no "biblical reason" to leave her husband. What would you do? He's forced her to choose between him and her children many many times and she feels they need to come first.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on May. 7, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • I would leave but, I would never be with someone who was trying to get between me & my child in the first place, NO ONE, especially not some man could have that kind of effect on my relationship with my child. It sounds to me like your friend needs some help ASAP to boost her self esteem because her children & her relationship with them is suffering. The best thing she can do is leave, her kids need her, if her husband doesn't respect that & doesn't support that, then she does not need him. Any Pastor who would ignore the needs of children and say to put a grown man first would no longer be my spiritual guide. It doesn't sound like the Pastor put any responsibility on the husband and that is ridiculous. Maybe she can lean on some of her Christain sisters during this time. I would not listen to this Pastor though.


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 10:32 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • I don't care what the pastor says. She's not in a healthy relationship. Her children should always come first!

    If I were her, I would start divorce proceedings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • The pastor should have no say here, just advice on what to do. If she feels its wrong to divorce him cause her beliefs maybe she needs to seek out other advice from differant pastors. Tell her to search her heart and her head take some time to think and she'll find the answer.

    Answer by Rebeccaroe at 10:17 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • SO HARD! I have been the kid - the one whose mom chose the new step dad over me- and I STILL have issues trusting her today!
    BUT I can honestly say that in my marriage I put my husband before my children. According to the Bible that is the order, God, Husband, then children. I just think that it is so hard to make that kind of choice when you have children from a previous marriage and a husband who sounds like a jerk. For my husband and I we do it becuase if WE are happy the house is harmonious. We put eachother above children because one day the children will be gone and of COURSE we LOVE them, but we need to make sure that we are a solid unit FOR them. - please no bashing, it doesn't mean we neglect our little ones.

    I think her pastor is GOING to try to keep them together. A lot depends on how much HE (dh) wants this marriage to work as well. As a side note- pregnancy is never a good time to make life decisions :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • Any man who would give his kids a stone to eat instead of bread deserves neither. Let her divorce. He has failed to be a provider for both her and the children, a duty he assumed when he married her.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 10:19 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • Well for one she can get a divorce but it is gettting remarried that is the problem according to the bible. You are supposed to submit yourself to your husband and your husband likewise. I try to please my husband but I also know my kids come first. She needs to pray and talk to God and see what he shows her to do. Also have they tried counseling? Have they tried anything other than her talking to the preacher? Good Luck with her and I hope things get better.

    Answer by momwifelove at 10:26 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • while I agree with putting your husband first in some ways, he is an ass. She needs to leave because the reference to putting your hubby first in the bible is also if he is a good man, not a jerk who is mean like this guy sounds. tell her God wants her children to be protected and loved, and if there is a sin involved here, its her husband to deal with -not hers.Also, she needs to change churches..the pastor is an idiot.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:27 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • I don't think Christianity is always "serve your husband above all else" it depends on the church and the pastor. That being said, I would certainly leave the guy if he makes her push her children aside for him. He is a grown man and they are contest who needs her more. I am lucky in the fact that my husband truly believes that our kids should come first above all else and he is perfectly fine with that.

    Answer by MynTop at 10:29 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • This should be her choice, not the pastors. No one knows what she is going through and what is best for her children. Her husband may be emotionally abusive, who knows? I am a Christian but I don't feel it is my job to tell a woman "you have to stay with your husband because ...." he may be a total jerk and she may be better off without him!

    Answer by army_wife2000 at 10:30 AM on May. 7, 2009

  • ***OP*** She has tried everything she can think of the problem is he sees nothing wrong. He changes for like a day or two (max - 4 days) and then goes back to the same things.. He told her the other night that the kids are just selfish and why would she let her kids run her life. Her kids live in IL and she lives in NC right now and is planning on moving to IL to be closer to her kids and he says no you're just running from me. He told her your leaving your family here for your other family. He never took them in as his own and for awhile (when they were with their dad) it wasn't so bad but when they moved in with her it got bad. The pastor was her last attempt and because of him not touching on what to do with the kids she is now questioning alot and I hate to see that from her... She wants to give her kids the best and right now she feels like they get the leftovers and she doesn't like it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on May. 7, 2009