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Adopting when your hubby already has a child.

Me and my husband have discussed adopting, since we are not able to conceive. However, he has an 8 year old son. I love my husband and I love my stepson like he was my own, even though he's not biologically mine. However, If we adopt, my husband has his "biological" son already and I'm worried he won't bond as well with this one since he has a son of his own. I've asked him , and he says he will and he'd love to adopt, but deep down, it just scares me. Has anyone felt this way? Or am I just being weird about the situation?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on May. 7, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • I would suggest going through counseling to discuss your fears. They certainly seem normal. It is interesting you don't doubt your ability to completely love a child you raise through adoption. I think when it all boils down to it that you more likely are having insecurities and doubts about you -not your spouse. What I mean by that is that another woman was able to provide your husband a biological child. You cannot. That is huge! No doubt you love your SS but working through that one issue alone is worth exploring. Then the jeaousy that you may experience in wanting the child you raise together to have come from him. Not that either of you would not love an adopted child. But that there is that bio-connectedness between you and your husband. So it is not about the child. It would be about your relationship with him. There are so many issues this can raise. But you married this man so have faith in that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • Do possibly seek counseling to explore where these thoughts are comming from and why you need such a high level of assurance. These are normal thoughts and feeling by the way. But you may need a professional outlet to work them out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • I think you are being weird on this.
    If you trust in your husband and his words, then that should be enough.
    Now I would mention it to him not to do the adoption just for you..that would never work.
    I totally believe that you SS will be happy about the baby.
    A baby changes everything.

    Answer by Dannee at 2:27 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • You are very right to question any and all fears that you may have when it comes to bringing an innocent child into your family. You are very wise to make sure that you know the answer to, "Will this child feel 100% loved in this family?" I think you are saying, IF my DH or SS changed their feelings on adopting, then where would YOU be? Where would this child be? You need to be 100% sure that you all are committed to the child you'd be adopting. Babies do change everything! Make sure that you want it changed before persuing. Hope this helps!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 4:08 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • My fear was that, as the oldest child in my family, what would happen if after I adopted on.e of my siblings gave birth, would my parents love that grandchild more? Once my kiddos were here and a part of my family I saw how unjustified my fears were, They're now the oldest grandchildren in our family and are 100% the family princesses.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 6:22 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • I say to listen to what your husband is telling you! Love has NOTHING to do with biology!!!!!!! He love you, and you aren't biologically related to him : D (or at least I hope not rofl).

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • You're not being weird at all!! The parents who adopted my son has one other biological child together, and the mother has two others.. they love my son as if he came from them. I don't see any difference what-so-ever. I actually think he's treated like the "golden child." They, and his sisters, absolutely adore him. He's in great hands.

    I wouldn't worry at all... Have you talked about this with your husband?

    Answer by rainfalls at 8:25 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • I meant your fears..

    Answer by rainfalls at 8:26 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • I had three bio-babies and then adopted and she is my baby just as much as they are. There has never been one second that I looked at her differently. Trust your husband on this.

    Answer by eeyoreplus4 at 11:52 PM on May. 13, 2009

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