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what makes you a "legal" mom?

I am so sick of telling people that i have 6 children and watching their raised eyebrows i could explode! my name is Brittany, I have lost 3 children, the first at 5w the second around 6w and the third at 13w4d. i also have twin 3 year old boys and am 32w prego with my daughter. I firmly believe that i am a mother of 6, so what if 3 of them are gone? i was still pregnant with them, and they were babies, and now they are deceased, so why is it that everyone thinks they can say that those children cant or dont count? so what, if you have a baby and it dies a second after birth, does that mean you were never a parent and you have no right to claim that child as your son or daughter? if you never had a child, then why should you have to grieve over the loss of a fetus?

I am a mother of 6, 3 are angels in heaven, 2 are treacherous 3 year olds, and one of them is on her way.


Asked by no.1twinmommy at 3:14 PM on May. 7, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (27)
  • You ARE a mom of 6.

    I am a mom of 4, our son, our angel daughter that graduated to Heaven (stillborn) and our twins girls. It has been 4 years since our precious angel graduated, she is still a part of this family and I will not deny her as a part of our family. People look at me like Im crazy because our children are very close in age, I had all 4 in just under 2 1/2 years. I hear daily that my hands are full, if only they really knew how full my hands would really be if she were still alive. My selfishness wants her here even though I know her life is so much better in Heaven and one day we will be together again! Praise the Lord for that!!

    Anyways, dont ever let people think you have to deny your children. One lady years ago said that when people ask where her other child is, she says that hes with his grandma...his grandma had graduated to Heaven too, so really it was the truth and much easier to explain.

    Answer by Mom2SKMB at 4:30 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • yes i'd still consider you a mom, even if you lost the children (i'm sorry = ( )
    a friend of mine (she recently passed away) had a son who died at age 13, and two other older children. she always considered herself a mother of 3! one of them was just waiting for her in heaven!

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 3:18 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • Well that I am a mother of 8. I had an abortion I am ashamed of when I was way too young to support a child let alone myself, 1 son that is wonderful, 5 miscarriages and 1 baby on the way.
    Piss on them if they don't like it. Choices we have as women are never easy. Alot of those life decisions have been taken out of our hands and the other we have to live with and do.

    Keep your head up. We all have scars and each one tells a story. It doesn't make you any less of a woman.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 3:20 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • dont be ashamed of your abortion, it was a decision you made because it is what you thought was best at the time, you have suffered a great deal of loss, losing 6 children is totally unfair, even though you made the decision to lose one of them, it is still a loss. if you ever need to talk about anything like that, i do run a mc/infant loss group, and we do have what we call abortion survivors there

    Answer by no.1twinmommy at 3:23 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • thank you owl feather!

    Answer by no.1twinmommy at 3:23 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • hugsabsolutely you are a mom of them all. No one can take that away from you.


    Answer by admckenzie at 3:26 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • I don't know that I could talk about it a great deal. I blame myself for losing everyone. And I don't think that I'm ready to let that go. I believe as a mom I have a level of responsibility to each baby and having lost them, regardless of how, well I just see myself as less. I think that's why I try to do so much for my son. It doesn't make up for it but I want to spoil my son every chance I get.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 3:27 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • thanks admckenzie!

    Answer by no.1twinmommy at 3:28 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • lilbit, have you had a loss? not trying to pry, however it sounds as though you are still grieving over losing someone, seriously, if you need support, im totally here for everyone who needs it, and sometimes, sharing your personal war story can help you heal....

    Answer by no.1twinmommy at 3:29 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • I know how you feel. I'm 25 and prego for the 4th time. I have a 5 yr old boy who is very active. My daughter Olivia was still born 1/06 at 23 weeks, my second son was a micro preemie born at 19 weeks last July. Now I'll be 29 weeks with our third son tomorrow. I get a lot of looks when I say I'm pregnant with my fourth and I'd still like to have 2 more. I don't really care. If people ask I'll explain why they only see me as pregnant with my second. I've given birth 3 times and July will do it again. I'm sorry about your losses.

    Answer by jombmomi at 3:32 PM on May. 7, 2009