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Would you be upset? Lack of consideration of preexisting plans. LONG

So about three weeks ago, I tried to make plans with my inlaws for Mother's day with my MIL and SIL. They said that they had no idea what they wanted to do. So I made plans for Saturday since SS is going to be with his mother on Sunday. I work at 4 on Sunday, but I was available earlier that day. I get a call yesterday from my SIL asking what I am doing on Mother's day. I explain all of our plans and she is like, well Dad works on Sunday, so we have to do something Saturday. Ok cool. My sister and my mom and my stepson and I are meeting at 1 at the carnival (dd is too young to go). I made these plans three weeks ago. So I suggested like a sundae bar around 11:30 so that I could still make my other plans. Everyone agreed. So I get a call today to say that they changed the plans to a barbeque at noon. I was not consulted. Nor was my husband. I was told. Even though I had other plans on Saturday.

 
Mom1Stepmom1

Asked by Mom1Stepmom1 at 6:04 PM on May. 7, 2009 in Holidays

Level 14 (1,498 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • It's Mother's Day....which is what you are. A good one it seems. Don't worry about in-laws b/c they will NEVER be satisfied no matter how much effort you put in. That said: Do what makes you happy on Mother's Day. If that means your inlaws are perturbed..SO WHAT! You tried to include them when you made plans & in return they didn't consider you when they made their plans. If you so GENEROUSLY decide you want to keep the peace, make a 30min cameo @ the BBQ. When they ask why you're leaving so soon, politely remind them that you have plans.
    Happy Mother's Day!
    BeautifuLove

    Answer by BeautifuLove at 7:17 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • Continue on with your plans. You asked them to make plans ahead of time, they didn't. Then you made plans on your own. THEN you made plans with them, which still fit into your other plans. Then they changed them...why should you have to change? They knew you had other plans.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 6:06 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • My FIL says that it is more important to make my MIL feel important than my preexisting plans. I am a mother too, and I had plans with my own mother........What the crap? We are doing brunch with my husband and both kids at 10(reservations made), then I have a bbq at noon, then carnival at 1.......This is going to be hectic.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 6:07 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • Oh, I could just see the hell that would ensue if I didn't go to this thing. My husband would hear about it for years to come. I know that, and I am not willing to do that to him. I am just so frustrated that no one in his family ever considers anyone else.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 6:08 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • Is there any way to bump your carnival plans up an hour, to 2? If you can do that then it wouldn't be as bad for you. And don't feel bad about arriving late/leaving early from the b-b-q...it wasn't in your plans and they knew it.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 6:09 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • My husband already told FIL that we would be leaving early. I asked my mother if 1:30 or 2:00 would work and she said that would be fine. Well, I didn't ask. My husband did. He is trying to juggle this as much as possible so I don't have to deal with it too much.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 6:12 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • How about you run away that day?

    You know, pack a bag the night before and tell hubby you're taking Mother's Day off. Call him from your hotel when you check in.
    Spend the day sight-seeing, shopping, by the pool and eating a fabulous lunch and dinner!

    In other words....take back MOTHER'S DAY (It's YOUR day!)
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 6:13 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • I have thought about it, but I would miss my kids too much. My stepson and I are very close and he is already upset that he isn't with me on Mother's day, but now he is upset with his FIL for changing our plans. He told Grandpa very nicely "I love Grandma, but this is supposed to be Mother's day, not Grandmother's day" He is kind of a smart alleck.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 6:17 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • I'm thinking your FIL thinks this is a matter of "Respecting Your Elders".

    Sort of like in Chinese culture, the eldest serves themselves first and begins to eat BEFORE anyone else at the table.

    Their seniority trumps any plans you have made...in their mind. So, if you want to keep family peace, you need to go to the BBQ. (yummy, stuff....lucky you!)
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 6:22 PM on May. 7, 2009

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