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Should I invite my SO's mom to dd's b-day party?

She hasn't seen my daughter since she was 3 months old (my daughter is now 11 months old). We don't speak to each other because she tried to break up my SO and me.

I think a baby's first b-day party should only include people who have been a part of the baby's first year of life. She obviously hasn't been.

What do you think? I'm not trying to be mean, but I don't think it's fair to have that woman in my home making me feel uncomfortable, and taking pictures of my daughter so she can pretend to her co workers and friends that she's a good grandmother...she's not!


Asked by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on May. 7, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I wouldn't. She hasn't been a hands-on grandma yet, and no one should make you feel uncomfortable in your own house.

    Answer by DrJChappell at 11:07 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • Thats up to you and your SO. But if she does come you need to tell your SO that he needs to tell her that if shes gonna start trouble or make you feel uncomfortable then to either not to come or she will have to leave its not about her its about your DD. Shes under your roof and no one is to make you feel uncomfortable in your own house EVER. Good Luck.......

    Answer by raemommy at 8:46 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • OP: He doesn't live with me BTW...

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • i know how you feel but someone has to be the bigger person and baby's have a way of drawing people closer together. maybe she's feeling she's not welcome, (kinda sounds like she's not) who knows, but you won't know till you get togeather agian.

    if it makes you more comfortable have you thought of maybe having 2 parties? one with all the people you want there, and the second at a resturant or someplace other than your home?

    Answer by northcarolinama at 8:48 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • What does your SO say. Does he have an opinion? If not, then I probably wouldn't invite her. If she hasn't been a part of your DD's life for this long, then I don't see why she should or would even expect to be there. But if your So is still talking to his mother and he wants her to be there, then I think it's one of those pick your battle moments. Don't let an argument with your SO over shadow your DD's bday. If your SO wants her there, then he needs to talk to her, and clear the air with her. It's your home after all. If she starts to make you uncomfortable or causing problems you can always ask her to leave. But if your SO is not making a big deal about her coming, then I wouldn't think twice about it.

    Answer by jenlenr at 8:49 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • She's her grandma! Of course you invite her. My son's grandfather (DH's dad) was an absent father for almost my DH's whole life, but we still invite him to everything. You be the bigger person. You don't want your daughter to come to you one day and say "Why does grandma say you never wanted her to see me?" ....

    Answer by ap9902 at 10:35 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • This sounds to me like a wonderful opportunity for reconciliation.

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:41 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • ap9902- I see your point, but I have NEVER barred her from seeing my daughter. That is a choice SHE made, and if my daughter were to ask me about it, I would tell her exactly that. Even my SO aknowledges that his mother makes no effort to see our daughter. I know for a FACT that she has gone to lunch at a restaurant just a few blocks from my house on several occasions. Her brother lives just down the street from me, and she goes over there too. Why can't she stop by to see her only grandchild? It's HER choice, and won't be made to feel guilty about it.

    She has never apologized for the friction she put between my SO and me and probably never will. She knows she is wrong for what she did.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on May. 8, 2009