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My husband has turned into a completely different man! Please help!

He has completely changed from the man he was when we were dating and first married. He is impatient, demanding, selfish, and just flat out mean. He has gotten incredibly shallow. He has says that he doesn't like fat people purely because they are fat. He makes awful comments about women and has said that no woman should weigh over 115 lbs. He also makes racist jokes. He is very selfish and doesn't think about anyone else, not even our son. He loses his patience with our son easily.
I know what people are gonna say that I had to have known what he was like before I married him, and that does make sense. But I swear he was a completely different man when we were dating. He has a great relationship with his mother and older sister, and has been a great uncle to his sister's kids. He was always so sweet, caring, and affectionate towards me. Everyone he meets just loves him. His boss and coworkers all think he is so great. cont

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on May. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • cont Even people he worked with ten years ago still keep in touch with him and like being around him. When we dated he rarely swore around me, now he does it all the time. Which is going to be a problem when our son gets older. He is hardly ever affectionate towards me and has gotten VERY selfish in the bedroom (which is opposite to the way it was before). He treats me more like his friend than wife. He talks to me a lot about which women are hot and who he wants to bang, but rarely says anything complimentary of me.

    I
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • feel like I was tricked, like he hid who he was from me for 2 years. We dated for a year, got engaged, and married 6 months later. Than about 6 months after getting married it is like someone flipped the switch and he changed from Dr Jekyll to Mr Hyde. I don't know what to do at this point. I still love him and am dedicated to this marriage. I know leaving him would only cause a million more problems especially since we have a son together. Has anyone else experienced this?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • sound to me he needs a kick in the a@@ if he won't change for you then you need to leave him if he is going to be that way do you want your kids to act like him ????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • If your son is still a baby, and your husband refuses to change, it's probably better that you leave. If that is the image of manhood that your son grows up with, that is what he will become.

    You definately need to talk to your husband and tell him how all this is making you feel and that it's not acceptable in the least. Tell him that things have to change, period, and if he cares about you and your son he needs to make the changes quickly. Tell him that you can't raise your son in that environment, because you don't want him to grow up and be like his father is at this point.

    I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Good luck and PM me if you want to talk :(
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:08 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • There are those with Jeykll and Hyde personalities. It's never fun dealing with them as you never know when they will switch. They normally won't go to counseling so your best option in my opinion is to let him be aware of when he changes from one to the other. My SO is like that. I call them Bubba and Fritz the Nazi. I love Bubba but Fritz is a real heartless jerk so when Fritz surfaces I let him know I'm ignoring him until Bubba resurfaces. It lets SO know I'm not putting up with the bad personality. It lets him know he's switching and to deal with it or he can leave until he becomes Bubba again. We don't have children together so that makes it easier. See if confronting the issue makes a difference. If not, then you will have to think about your options.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:11 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • Girl i have 3 kids, my husband changed after our first kid and so did i. Adapting to being a parent is hard, you have someone else to think about, someone else whos always around, someone else who gets most of the attention, i truly beleave husbands get jelous of the baby. But luckly me and my husband started getting conceling at the church and now have 3 kids and hes back to his sweet self again and me to his loving wife. is he abusive, if so i wold seperate for awhile, but if not i would sugest counceling and mybe church, works wonders. it's hard i know. i could tell you so much stuff that happened in our marriage that would blow your mind, but me and my husband have been next door neighbors and best friends since i was 5yrs old, and together since i was 14yrs old, we were eacxh others first and we are so in love to this day and we have been through so major crap.
    angels4262

    Answer by angels4262 at 10:13 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • i had to go back to the first time we fell in love and i have held on to that memory ever since. i had to give my whole marriage to God, and im glad i did. if you need to talk im here
    angels4262

    Answer by angels4262 at 10:15 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • Of course I don't want my son to be raised in that environment. But leaving him would be the beginning of a lot more problems. There is the initial problems finances, where to live, splitting up assests, and of course the pain and emotional trauma. But there is the long term that worries me too. We will have to have joint, or shared custody then I will not know how my son is being treated or what he is being taught. No court is going to deem him unfit due to racists jokes, chauvinist behavior, and selfishness.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • If he really has changed this much and it seems to all be directed at you, then I suspect that he has somehow been made to feel that you disrespect him. It could have been in any number of ways. Just some things to think about: Have you ever put him down to other people, even jokingly? Since the child came, is your husband still top priority in your life and affections and does he know that he is top priority? Do you regularly express appreciation for the things he does and for his hard work? One thing I've learned is that a man can be very easily hurt. We women often wound our men without thinking a thing about it. A hurt man won't say he's been hurt, but it will be displayed as anger. And your husband sounds to me like a very angry man, and if you are the only one who is seeing these changes in him, I suspect he is angry with you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:29 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • I think that I would have to say that if it is something that he is not willing to change then you need to leave for your sons sake. taking about other women he wants to bang and the comments it is called emotional abuse. all in all it is up to you and you alone what you do. there is help out there.
    good luck!!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on May. 7, 2009

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