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What do I do about my adult daughter stealing $50K from her dad and I?

My eldest daughter, 27 yrs. old, was in business with my husband. We owned a dance studio with our daughter as the artistic director. My husband had good intentions and wanted to help set up the business so that eventually our daughter could take it over, with us retaining a modest amount for our retirement. Our daughter took the "superchecks" the bank sent to the studio's address and used them as she wanted to do so & we didn't know until $50K was gone. Now, our relationship w/her is estranged. She doesn't admit or recognize any of her actions as wrong & even continued to steal from us as my husband lay in ICU last May after he suffered a massive heart attack. My daughter has been estranged from me off & on since she was around 18 or 19 yrs old. No one believed me of her behavior till this situation happened. Outside of our second child, a son, 26 yrs old, none of our other children (we have 9 kids) will speak to her. ..HELP!

 
deanne92508

Asked by deanne92508 at 1:33 AM on May. 8, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (11)
  • I am sure as a degreed accountant your husband is great with money and made arrangements for your future and was comfortable enough to take a loss with that amount of money invested in the business. There is never a guarantee a business will prosper so he knew the odds of losing the money especially if she's been estranged from you since age 18 or so. With all of that said, I would tell her to enjoy the gift of her inheritance early as that is all she'll ever get from me or from dad ever again. I would also tell her to take the money she's made from his investment (that would have gone toward her wedding originally)  to put toward her wedding. I would wish her a long and happy life but not to expect me at the wedding and remind her that karma is a b.

    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:03 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • Did you keep any kind of records of the money and what it was being given for? You may have some legal recourse either through a civil or criminal case.

    Do you have any proof she was stealing mre money? That's elder abuse and is a criminal offense.

    You need to talk to an attorney.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:51 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • Yes, we did keep records of all business dealings because my husband acted as the financial advisor for the business. My husband is a degreed accountant and when he started pulling out of the business due to conflicts with our daughter, she began using these checks. We had set up a legal business contract, naming her as legal owner ONCE she began making payments 1/1/09. My husband formally stepped out of the business to focus on his business consulting 9/1/07, with formal documents signed & notarized, but she was not obligated to pay anything till 1/1/09. My hubby contacted a lawyer who didn't give us a lot of hope.
    While my hubby was in the ICU clinging to life, I was forced by one of the financial institutions with the business to pay $981 because she reniged, saying it was not her responsibility.
    Now, she is getting married & contacted us to pay towards her wedding...can u believe it?!

    I don't know who to talk to now..
    deanne92508

    Answer by deanne92508 at 2:30 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • Find another lawyer. She should not get away with this. I would wonder what else she is capable of. Best wishes to your family.
    Winetuscany

    Answer by Winetuscany at 4:35 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • yeah, i would take legal action and make sure that you and your hubby's names are completely seperated from the business so that you aren't held responsible for any of her stupidity.

    i am sorry that you are having to go through this. it sounds horrible. good luck with everything.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 7:42 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • I really appreciate everyone's answer and best wishes and good luck...

    My husband--unfortunately--put his name as a guarantor for a loan for the business, a loan our daughter co-signed.

    I do agree that we need to explore the options of opinions of other lawyers. My husband is so emotionally devastated that his heart doctor and our joint therapist say he is not healthy or prepared enough to physically face our daughter. The burden of finding a remedy to this has to be me.

    I want my hubby to be w/us for as long as possible so I am going to contact another lawyer. My husband is gaining growth & strength so at some point he'll be strong enough to handle this never ending issue.

    To top things off, I was diagnosed with lupus about 2 1/2 months ago--in the beginning stages--so I need to gauge my personal health.

    My strength is drawn from my personal prayers...
    deanne92508

    Answer by deanne92508 at 10:34 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • Forget a lawyer talk to the DA's office and see if they can help you. As far as helping to pay for her wedding, tell her to forget it.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 10:31 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • PROSECUTE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT pay for her wedding, tell her she spent the money you would have used for her wedding when she STOLE from your business. Redo the business so her name is not on anything.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:28 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Well, I truly am moved...all of you have been so gracious and so helpful and I wish I could hug you all! I am going to have to be the one to push the issue of making sure the DA's office has a go at this & tells me what exactly they can do.

    My husband did seek out a lawyer that was referred to him and it was not hopeful. Of course, it makes total sense to tell her no way on her getting $ from us for her wedding.

    I financially CANNOT afford to support her wedding, nor do I want to. Of course I feel we need to prosecute her. Its all a matter of what the officials say is possible.

    Just found out today that this daughter went into the hospital late last night. She has something called nephrotic syndrome. It has to do with edema in her legs and feet and problems w/her kidneys.

    I went to see her & saw her. No welcome, no mention of gratetitude o/me coming. I had to see her but it was sad. She is fine but she is clueless
    deanne92508

    Answer by deanne92508 at 1:52 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • press charges.
    3gifts.from.god

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 2:17 AM on May. 9, 2009