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Should we do anything? BM calls this morning & tells me that she had trouble getting SS 5 & SD 8 to bed last night, SS fell out of bed (top bunk) & woke SD around 2am, & SD was then up for an hour or more complaining of an ear ache after this. BM said SD was on the couch & she couldn't get her to move & that she had a fever & was going to take her to the doctor so she had a note for school.

SS didn't take a nap yesterday (BMs normal excuse for him not going to bed very well while there even though he never has trouble here nap or not) & was so tired that he fell asleep on the drive from SDs school to her doctors appt (about warts) - that was less than a 15 minute drive. BM had said on Sunday that SD had complained about an ear ache but SD never once complained about it while she was here MTW& Thurs while I was there. So, suddenly she doesn't want to go back to bed & complains? If they have such trouble sleeping while at BMs & seem to have more health complaints while at BMs don't you think it makes sense that on school nights they need to stay here? SD was going to be up for an attendance party & everything had she gone the rest of the year. I dont think there is anything wrong with her. I guess I will find out later today but I feel like she has all these health issues while there and almost none here?

 
aly38914290

Asked by aly38914290 at 7:36 AM on May. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (13)
  • If she was complaining about the ear ache for so long, why didn't the BM make a docs appointment for that? She had an appointment for warts but not for the ear thing? That seems weird. And how exactly did you SS fall out of a bunk bed while sleeping? The things are built to keep that from happening. How bad was the fall? Shouldn't he get evaluated to just to be sure he didn't hurt himself? That's a pretty big fall.

    Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to talk trash about anyone, but it seems like the BM is neglecting certain aspects of the children's health and bringing this upon her own kids. For example by letting this ear ache go unattended to the result was this long dramatic night. Now she can complain to you and hubby and anyone else who will listen. It sounds like she kind of likes the attention that having a sick child brings. Watchout if next week something is wrong with SS because lastnight's fall.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:54 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • Continued...

    I am concerned about their well being. I worry about how they always seem to not get enough sleep while with her and that SD always seems to complain about feeling ill while there. Sometimes she will come back and complain more about things here for a day, but once we dont baby her the symptoms magically disappear. Don't get me wrong. We take care of her. If she has a fever, tylenol or motrin, allergies, benedryl or prescription, etc. We don't neglect her. We love her and take care of her.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 7:38 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • Maybe all the "illness" is from the child NOT wanting to be there?? Have you really sat down and talked to these children? It seems to me that these kids are NOT wanting to be there so they are doing everything in their power to make it known??

    SweetKYmom

    Answer by SweetKYmom at 7:42 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • i might think that if they didn't say they missed her or ask about when they were wanting to go to Mommy's sometimes. They see Daddy and I almost everyday (there are 2 days in a two week period that they don't see us). and SD likes to sometimes complain to BM about things here...whether its homework or whatever. right now BM wants to talk SO about something. i am pretty sure that SD has been making complaints about me to her. she says she seems upset a lot (but SD never is upset here unless she isnt getting her way).

    i know that they need their mom and that they love her. i know she isn't a bad person, but i just dont understand how you can't get two TIRED kids to go to sleep. & how you can't get someone off of a couch. BM has SD thinking she needs meds for everything so much that one time she asked me for tylenol for a bug bite - like a mosquito bite! we never took anything when I was a kid for silly stuff like that
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:00 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • beckroc:
    she only had them Sunday night. she thought the ear ache had to do with allergies. SD didn't complain about the ear ache at all while she was here and that was from monday through thursday until 4pm at the wart appointment. BM met us there. I made the appointments for her warts. the only reason they are kept going until they go away is because I insist that they make the next appointment (every two weeks until they are gone per doctor reccommendation). I make most appointments and take them to most appointments. this is only the second wart appointment she has been there for and there have been several.

    its a low bunk bed. my only concern with the fall would be how he landed because SD bed is not directly under it. The beds are shaped like an L. I can't call her because she forgot to pay her cell phone bill.

    continued.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:05 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • i tried to call her back at the number she called me from right after she called to see if she was going to call the school or not and no one answered. i have no idea who's phone it was so i didn't leave a message. so i can't ask about the fall either. i should have when i was talking to her, but i was half waking up at the time.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:06 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • it sounds like the child is possibly playing the two parents against each other. My 14 yr old went thru that for awhile, would complain about us to dad and complain abput dad to us...not to be a bad kid, but because divorce is very hard on kids. Cant comment on the falling from bed as you yourself dont have all the facts yet...I say maybe get the kids into counseling to see whats going on that they are having these mysterious "health" issues.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 8:10 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • oh and also, its sometimes very very hard to get kids to go to bed/sleep, and I dont care if they are so tired they could sleep standing up-kids fight bedtime...so be careful wondering "how can you not get 2 tired kids to go to sleep" because next week they could be fighting bedtime at your house...ya never know with kids.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 8:11 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • i know the fighting bedtime thing is somewhat normal but even if they say they dont want to go to bed they both go to bed great at our house - they are asleep within 15 minutes of being laid down almost every night. they seem like they always have trouble there. they share a room there so i think that might be part of it but they still had trouble when she was at a place with seperate bedrooms. also here bed time is 8. last i knew there it was 9. and the sad part is that they have to get up earlier there because they come here for daycare/to catch the bus. so they get less sleep there and SS will sleep another 2 to 3 hours when he gets dropped off on mondays and fridays
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:22 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • Just b/c she has "health" issues at BM's doesn't mean BM is doing anything wrong. It doesn't mean she isn't either. But it could be that these complaints by the child are due to wanting MORE of mom's attention. If you were to have her in your home through the week the complaints could happen more often and not less. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just let them work it out and be there if your assistance is needed. And so what if they don't go to bed within so many minutes at her home? Let her and the children work that out. I know you care but your being overly picky without concrete evidence to support a need for intervention. You will most likely come off as bitch smom if you do too much now. If you are concerned make a call to social services. Not that bad? Then let mom handle it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on May. 8, 2009

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