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For moms who have been or are in an abusive relationship.

At what point did the relationship start to become physically abusive? My husband and I have been married for less than a year. Yesterday he got really upset at me because I threw a sock at him when he said a sarcastic thing to me and I missed of course and the sock hit a glass cup and knocked it over and it broke. Then he got crazy and was like " oh now you want to break shit and then he broke this little glass thing he had in his hand he threw it on the bathroom floor, then he got our alarm clock and threw it on the floor and broke it. He proceeded to walk back and forth punching the walls and doors and then like he wanted to hit me, raised his fist and backed away. Then he cooled down and begged I mean really hands and knees and begged me to forgive him. Is this just going to become a pattern? He has never done this before and he doesn't call me names either. Will he soon get so upset he will hit me?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on May. 8, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • It ususally starts as you just described and then escalates. If he's not willing to go to counseling like ASAP, get out before it's too late. If you have children, staying in a relationship for the kids will do more damage than leaving...believe me. I was a child with a very abusive father.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • he needs counseling or else he will.
    he needs anger counseling
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 12:49 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • it depends..my dh has hit me twice and we been togeather for 6 yrs (not married) and lived togeather for 2yrs. and have 2 kids. well he hasnt hit me since but he is Verbally abusive and mentally abusive...but im not sure i think maybe your dh is under stress b4.or i dnt kow sorry
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • it started around six months in.... then when I got pregnant he got worse. He would feel real sorry after he hurt me or broke stuff and we would go into what they call the "honey moon period" but violence is a vicious cycle that moves in a circle.... so the honey moon period would end and we would be right back where we started from. Each time he got worse! I did leave with the help of the domestic violence shelter. But it took years for me to get up the guts to pack the kids and go. I thought he was going to kill me. It was a very scary time! I've been free from abuse for 3 years. The first year was a little rough, but it was SO worth it! I'm so glad that my kids and I are safe and away from the abuse!

    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 12:55 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • OP: We do have a 4 month old daughter. He was frustrated because the baby was crying and we couldn't calm her down. He has never and not even when he freaked out has ever called me names,pushed me or "man" handled me. I'm just afraid that this turn into a cycle for him, that he would feel it's ok to break things. My Best Friend is in a relationship like this, her boyfriend has never actually physically harmed her or their kids but he has broken just about everything in their house. I don't want this to be our future either, I just don't know how to tell the difference from when he's stressed as to this is the first sign that he will be abusive.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • "but im not sure i think maybe your dh is under stress b4.or i dnt kow sorry"

    Sorry, but that isn't a good excuse. My x-DH tried to use that excuse and said his job was too stressful. But, he wasn't beating up his boss, he was beating me up!
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 12:57 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • For anon :51. Honey, you are making excuses for your husband. Like being verbally and mentally abusive is ok cause he's under stress. It is not ok. It's NEVER ok to abuse your family. Verbal and mental abuse can screw kids up just as much as physical abuse. please get some help, for the sake of your children....do not accept this behavior.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • It starts with throwing things at other things. Then throwing things at you and next thing you know you are covered in bruises and have a couple broken bones. At least that was my experience. Get it taken care of before someone gets hurt, it took me 3 yrs to leave and by that time he was violet with more than just me. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Well let me tell you a short story. Thats how my EX was and then it got bad. The last straw was when i was held hostage in my home for two days with a knife to my thoat and i had already had a broken jaw and nose. When i finally did get out and got help he went to jail then got out on bail and come after me again. He know is in jail and i moved to another state and NO ONE knows where i am except for my parents. I have a wonderful man today and a beauitful daughter. So get out while you have the chance you may not get as lucky as i did.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • "her boyfriend has never actually physically harmed her or their kids but he has broken just about everything in their house."


    Mine did that too.... the first thing he broke was a glass dining table. It scared the heck outta me! Eventually he was breaking my stuff, the kids stuff, and he even set some furniture on fire once.

    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 12:59 PM on May. 8, 2009

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