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my 16 year old is a constant runaway, steals and has advanced to breaking and entering

my son is adopted and has found his bio-mom. he has started running away to be around her and getting into all types of trouble. we have tried counseling, has been picked up by police, gradesdropped from a's to f"s. i am at the end of my ropes with him. love him but can not stand the distructive path he has choosen. probation offier has no advice to offer any other adopted parents have any answers? he has been with us since he was 18 months old. I dont blame the bio-mom h is making his own choices just need some advice



Asked by TSMOM2 at 1:40 PM on May. 8, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)
  • First let me say you are not alone. My son was doing great, good grades, listened, had a good time, cared about his family, and suddenly it changed. His grades dropped, constant fights, bad friends. He found out my husband adopted him at an early age and was not his biological father and then found out his real father was a criminal and a detriment to society. He stole, drank, did drugs and runs away. I have tried everything. He is now on probation too. He has good times and bad times. I am not sure what to tell you. I have finally got to the point that I have done the best I could, now he has to make his choices. I pray for him each night, I taught him right, and love him. Now he has to love himself. Please hang in there. Everyone says to me they will eventually realize what they are doing and stop. So talk to the Birth mom, get on the same page and stand your ground, pray and realize, he has to make the choice.

    Answer by Kelly18911 at 6:02 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Well if he is violating his probation then he should be in JUVENILE Care and no longer in your home. You could press charges on her if she is accepting him in her home as he is legally your child and a minor at that. She is to blame as well, she gave him up and she lost her rights so she should not be excepting his behavior either. I would have him put in a center for kids like him going down the wrong path.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 1:42 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Sounds like he is upset and doesn't know how to express it. He's angry and hurt and it has to do with being adopted. Have you tried a different counseler or prolonged help and not just a meeting or two?

    Answer by MamaChamp at 1:43 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • If he is running away to be with the bio-mom then i would have a sit down with her. How does she feel about this? Does she care about whats going on with him? If she cares and is a responsible person i would both you and her, try to sit down with him together and talk some sense into him. Maybe work it out so he can spend time with her too, without going behind your back about it. He might not know how to tell you that he wants her in his life.
    If she doesn't care enough for his well being then i would choose counceling. Really try to talk to him as an adult, because he will be one soon enough and the choices he makes now are going to affect the rest of his life. GOOD LUCK, hope it all ends well.

    Answer by Iluvmygirlies42 at 1:55 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Have you considered a behavior modification facility? Just a thought. I would also speak with the bmother in this and see what she thinks about all this. Maybe the fact of finding her was especially upsetting for him. I know for adults it's a true emotional roller coaster (I found my birthfamily over 2 years ago.......I'm 27).

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 2:26 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • I am currrently 17..I was NOT adopted but when I was 15/16 I was running away and stealing mostly has to do wthh the people we hang out with. Punishing him probably isnt gonna work when my dad tried to ground me I just ran away one time I was gone for 6 months..the thing that made me stop was my boyfriend Kenny who was a good influence on me and the I got pregnant.. you need to find kids his age that are good infliuences and introduce him to them it doesnt matter where you send him if he keeps hanging with the same kind of people. My dad tried sending me away and I just met more people just like me there!

    Answer by hug4akiss at 3:08 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Maybe Family Counseling is in order, with biomom involved. He could just be confused. If he continues and gets picked up by the cops again, tell them to place him in Juvenile Detention. He will not learn if he keeps getting bailed out of trouble. It might be hard to do but tough love is sometimes what it takes to make the kids wakeup to what they are doing.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:07 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • My son was on a destructive road at 13-14. I was afriid he'd wind up dead or in prison. I sent him to Methodist Childrends Home in Waco, TX. He graduated & is now in Marines bootcamp. He's made us so proud!

    Answer by BAADsMOM at 6:05 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • I'm not a mother of a teenager, just 21 myself. But my life was once like your sons; running away, grades dropping, probation, and yes I will admit I spent sometime in Juvy as a teenager. I was also adopted (but I have never had a desire to find my parents). Anyways I think you should talk to his probation officer, and tell them that the next time he does something to send him to Juvy. I only say this because for me that changed my view on many things, and helped me realize that I was ruining my life at such a young age. As for him going to see his real mom, I do believe you can put a stop to that. My adopted was closed, and I'm pretty sure in most states as long as it was a closed adoption she has no rights to see him until he is 18. If it truly bothers you (I know it would me) you could see about putting a restraining order on her. I hope things turn around for you, and get better!

    Answer by ShiningStar24 at 1:16 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • see if he wants to live with her for a while and get to know her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:09 PM on May. 9, 2009