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My son's father only see's him maybe 4 times a year, does this mean he doesn't love him as much as his other kids?

My son's father only see's him about 4 times a year. We only live 72 miles away but he never comes to see him. Last year he only saw him 4 times for only a few hours each visit and only twice so far this year and that was by me taking him to see his father. He never takes my son to his house. My son has never even met his brother who is 16 months and his new baby brother who is 2 months, both my ex's new kids from his wife of 4 years. He pays CS but has no intrest in seeing him. He doesn't come to birthday parties, school programs, teachers conferences. Does this mean that he doesn't love my son as much as his kids from his marriage. We were never married and my son was a surprise. We were only together for 3 months before I got pregnant and didn't even last two months after my son was born.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on May. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I would "assume" so since he is not making a move on trying to make arrangements to see your son. Heck, my sons father lives in the SAME county as me and my son has not seen him in 5 yrs!!

    SweetKYmom

    Answer by SweetKYmom at 4:50 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • To be honest with you, I don't think he really wanted to be a dad to your son. Perhaps he really didn't love you and that's why he doesn't feel the same about your son as he does his kids from his wife. This is just my opinion but if he's not making an effort then he really doesn't want to be a big part of his life. At least he's paying CS so he's not a complete dead beat dad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • I think your lucky to be getting child support from him cause it sounds like he is just not that interested in being a "real dad".  But..... it could be worse! My kids haven't seen their Dad in 3 years and I haven't gotten a penny in child support.

    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 4:57 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • It's is hard to say whjere someone elses head or heart is. I would not be surprised to find out there is pressure in his new relationship about your son. New wives often feel threatened by exes. Basically, let it be. Your son will know who was there for him and who was not. "Dad' is making his own misery, he just may not be aware that is what he's doing. Small children with absent parents grow into teens that have a full vocabulary and usually don't hesitate to let "Daddy' know exactly what they think of their actions. Just love him and help him to grow to be a secure young man.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:01 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Well, I was wondering if he was always like that or just after he got married? If he was always like that, then he didn't really want to be a dad. Or, did you give him problems, lot's of drama to disrupt his life and marriage? Sometimes guys just give up if the baby mama is giving too much drama. Sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • nope, it doesn't mean he doesn't love him as much as the others. It just means he doesn't live conveniently located to participate in his life as much as he is with the others.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:24 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • It's probably a good idea to teach your son that blood isn't everything. He can have the best father in the world who is not related to him at all. You can make him pay child support but you can't make him care.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 5:26 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • It doesn't sound like the dad is going to have much to do with your son and that's fine. Just be the best mommy you can be to him. Plenty of kid's grow up without two parents and they are fine. Don't push it. If you invite him to school functions and tell your son and the dad doesn't show up, then your just setting up your son for dissapointment. If he hasn't shown any intrest, leave it alone. He'll either come around or not. But don't get your son's hopes up high.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • I don't think he doesn't love him. Sometimes people don't know how to deal with their past. Not saying that his son is his past but you are..depending on how you ended he could be staying away for many reasons. Also life is crazy and we get caught up in just trying to get by each day that we forget the more important things. maybe he works alot thinking that the $ you get from him is more important than his presence..let him know that youd like for him to see his son more..maybe thats all it'll take. I know how you feel..Iet my ex know that him not seeing his son enough made me feel bad and he answerd.."I'm not happy".. men are only human..they break down too..let's be patient and hope that everything is for the best. Best of Luck
    mother.of2

    Answer by mother.of2 at 11:28 PM on May. 8, 2009

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