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Would it be mean of me

To block my ex from seeing the kids?? He has been ignoring our boys due to him seeing someone. There has been several incidents where he was suppose to do something for the kids but either ended up postponing it or not doing it at all. I feel bad about doing this to him but he has to learn that his children comes first and not some random romp in the sheets. Am I wrong??

Oh and one more thing I have talked to him about it but it just does not stick. It just goes in one ear and out the other..

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on May. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Yes, it would be mean of you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Well I would try it for awhile you know and see if he comes around. But I think that it may hurt the kids more than him.
    akmami0f4

    Answer by akmami0f4 at 9:23 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • If he is dissapointing your kids I would not allow him to make plans with them but encourage him to see them. The kids need there father even though their father doesn't realize it. limit his visitation and clear all plans with you before even bringin up anything to the kids.
    persuasion91297

    Answer by persuasion91297 at 9:23 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Well if theres a court order you can't block him from seeing the children or you will have hell to pay in court. And for another thing, no matter how much of an ass he is you need to allow him access to his children. they will make their own decisions about what kind of a person he is in their own time and respect you all the more for letting them. if you force him out they'll resent you and wonder "what if" for the rest of their lives.
    Pudge_Pie20

    Answer by Pudge_Pie20 at 9:24 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • since he's shown no effort, dont bother setting up visitations, let HIM call you and set them up. if he bitches or whatever that you havent called or are "keeping them away from him" let him know you gave him that chance numerous times, and as hurtful as it was, it was HIS turn to show interest! and I dont consider that taking the boys away from him, as in by force or whatever, it's just going with the flow. i'm sorry he's like that! what a deadbeat
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 9:24 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • So my answer would be both Yes and No. YES point blank it is mean. No because he is being hurtful to your children and that's not fair. Sometimes you have to make a decision that you feel would be best for your children despite whether or not it is mean?? How do you teach your child to listen to you...actions/consiquenses right, some would argue that grounding your child is mean, but is it a neccissary evil? YES!! Is doing this to your ex something that will benefit your kids so a neccissary evil??? Possibly, only you can decide. Here's what I did..my guy wasn't seeing someone else, but I tell you, if he had been it would've been worse, because you aren't going to F#%^ with my kid because you are busy getting some!!!
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 9:30 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • I wouldn't cut the visitation all together, I agree with persuasion but then again how likely is he to clear plans by you first? Especially if he has a woman whispering in his ear about how he's the father and shouldn't have to ask 'mommy for permission'? I would just let our kids know that daddy does love them but sometimes it's hard for grown ups to keep plans all the time because other things come up. I would not say anything about why he's cancelling (unless it's a very good reason). Your kids will realize soon enough that he's not worth trusting and they'll cut contact themselves, if you do it now they'll only resent you for it! Encourage a relationship but at the same time try to plan a 'backup' activity in case he does cancel so the kids aren't just sitting around dwelling on it and getting more and more upset.
    mommabear2008

    Answer by mommabear2008 at 9:31 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Part 2:
    I did it to my current SO when he was deciding whether or not he wanted to continue our relationship. Why did I do it, because as he started "questioning" he stopped coming to see his daughter (we never lived together) so that to me means that he needs his piorities in check. It doesn't matter what he might be going through with us...he needs to let his daughter know that he is there for her no matter what. Can I tell you that it was one of the best things that I did. He started coming over, because I point blank told him that if he told her he was going to be there then he better show, if he told her he was going to call, then he better call, because if he didn't then he didn't get to see her or talk to her again. I am a no BS type of person and he wasn't going to dick with her. UNACCEPTABLE. Your childrens well being is what's important, do you want them to see this in their father?
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 9:31 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Part 3:
    Does he want them to think of him in that fashion? Have you asked him that? Then ask yourself if you are doing it to make sure that you see him? Are you trying to win him back? I wasn't, but I was damn sure making sure that if he wasn't going to be around, or if he wasn't going to commit to her and her well being then he wasn't going to be allowed to be glorified by her either. She is too special to only have a fair weather dad.

    I wish you luck in finding an answer to your problem and I hope that you can come to peace with the decision that you are going to need to make.

    Take care....Raquel
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 9:33 PM on May. 8, 2009

  • Thank you ladies like I said before I feel bad about doing this but I do not want my boys to be dissapointed when their dad want's to chase after some ass instead of spending time with his children.

    To smilinghug
    I don't want him back I just want him to realize that when it is his weekend to have the kids that it should be that, him spending time with his kids(our childrens ages are 2 weeks old, 4 and 5 years old) he also has a daughter from a previous relationship that he gets too. He get's his children ever other weekend. I just want him to do the right thing and put his children first.

    I guess my fears come from how my dad was towards me and my sister when we were that age. How he just one day started blowing us off for his own selfish reasons. Im just starting to see that pattern in my ex. But the boys will not go with their father this weekend and I will have another talk with him tomorrow about his behavior .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on May. 8, 2009

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