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Has anyone remarried with kids that cant get along with stepfather?

I remarried at first He was the best father I thought I could ever bring into my childs life now at times I feel differently because He has no patience and also thinks that you should not have to tell a kid 2-3 times to do or not do something and argues over little stupid things when she asks a ? and disagrees with the answer He gives, he'll ask if you already know the answer or gonna argue with me about it why'd you even ask, He will also ignore her like the other day for example when she got home from School she walked by him neither said anything to eachother, She went inside came back outside walked by him again went back inside came back out and said you're not even gonna say anything to me, He replies well you didnt say anything to me so I guess we're both in the wrong. I seem to stay on edge all the time with these 2 and sometimes feel as if I have 2 kids, Please give me advice

 
countrygirl7171

Asked by countrygirl7171 at 11:31 PM on May. 8, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • Recognizing that your husband has the capacity to be a good father is extremely important! Often, reality interferes with what we wish, and it's quite possible that your husband feels the same way. There are many things to consider. Is your husband a parent to any natural children? How old was your child when your husband entered the picture? Normally, family members have had years to adjust to one another. But in a stepfamily all are suddenly brought together. And if the stepparent is not of the same mindset as the child, you are sure to have some disagreements. While most issues are worked out in time, some are very difficult. I was raised in a stepfamily. I also married a stepparent. One thing I MUST advise: never disagree in front of the child. Always present a united front. If she senses that you are opposed to your husband in the slightest, you'll have a weakened defense system.


    PetKat37

    Answer by PetKat37 at 12:14 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • How old is your daughter?
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 12:05 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • Sounds like both of them need a time out, cause they are both acting like children. Your DH should know better than to be that childish.

    It may be time to sit them both down and tell them how you feel and crack some heads. Or maybe you need to get them into family counseling. JMO - GL!
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 12:06 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • My daughter is now 8yrs old she was 7yrs old when I remarried, yes he has 2 kids that he hasnt had contact with for many yrs due to a difficult divorce situation and would like to contact them but afraid of disrupting their lives. My daughter is my angel and as I always say to her my best friend, I want to thank you all for your advice you guys are great if you all have any more suggestions for me please let me know.
    countrygirl7171

    Answer by countrygirl7171 at 12:53 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • I went thru this with my son and husband for awhile. They were both jealous of each other, my son was 8 when I married and he was used to having me to himself. My husands first wife was the complete opposite with her kids as I am mine. My hubby did not understand me being so close to my son for the longest time he was jealous of my relationship with my son. (He does not have the same relationship with his own kids)
    It takes time for blended families to get in the right grove. Your hubby and daughter need to find a hobby to do together, something for just the two of them to do together. This will help them bond and have a reason to talk to each other.
    It took a toll on me for awhile while my family learned to be just that, a family. Hang in there, in time it will happen
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 1:33 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • I dont really see where he is all that wrong, you SHOUDLNT have to tell a child to do something over and over and over again to do something with out consequences, and as for the asking a question and then arguing about the type of answer she receives that isnt right either, we were never allowed to pull crap like that when we were kids and my DD who will be 7 on Sunday is not allowed to pull any BS like that either, all that does is teach kids how to totally disrespect an adult, which is a total no go in my book. But either way, if you want him to be an ACTIVE parental figure in her life then you both need to sit down and discuss some rules and consequences that are to be set in place ones that BOTH of you agree on, if you are unable to do that, then you have no right to get upset with him for disengaging and ignoring her.

    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 2:06 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • No matter what your daughter comes first. If it comes down to his or her feelings, or even yours or her feelings about him, she should come first. if it were me he'd be gone already.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 7:19 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • I've al'ways put my daughter first beyond everything in my life because she is my world and al'ways keep her feelings in mind she is my angel as for asking a ? and disagreeing with an answer even if what they are saying is wrong later on as they get older they are gonna learn what you said was right. I see it this way even kids have the right to their opinions and should be allowed to have one to me it will make them into strong adults and will have the ability to do so later on in life when it comes time for them to speak up as an adult on important things in life verses little petty things they disagree about as a kid. We see things as adults they see things through kid eyes I give my opinion and allow her to have her own even if she doesnt agree with mine the end result is I gave her something to think about at the same time praised her for her way of thinking, I dont want her growing up with self doubt.
    countrygirl7171

    Answer by countrygirl7171 at 9:37 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • It may be difficult at present to see that there is a lot more at stake than your child's right to self-expression. A child depends on her parents, as a team, to make her path safe, to make the hard choices that will shape her into a kind, loving, responsible adult. You & your husband, as parents, have reasoning abilities, vision & experience that the child lacks. There is so much to be explained about this situation. Don't lose sight of the fact that your husband, your marriage mate, is your partner in life. Your daughter will accept him as her father only if you present him as her father. He deserves the respect, from her & you, that his stepping up & trying to fill that role should afford him. Don't bail on him when he needs your support. Your daughter will weather whatever comes as long as your family is strong & committed to each other. And she will thank you when she acquires the mental abilities of an adult.
    PetKat37

    Answer by PetKat37 at 2:56 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • Im glad your intuned to your daughter and looking out for her.alot of moms miss that .If it were me I would have a talk with hubby and explain what you need from him as a steparent.he needs to go out of his way and say hello to her and ask how her day was.they mean alot to kids and then they will start to trust he is a nice guy and interested in her school,and things she likes ad not just ther to take up moms time.my husband came on strong also and it didnt work all my 5 kids rebelled.no smiles from my kids in my wedding pics.it took a bit longer then if he was more mature about it and not bossy like Im the stepdad and you need to listen to me and your moms and thats the way it goes. no that dont work it just plants the kids feet in the groud.so after 2 years then they loved him,and even asked us to get remarried.so talk to him and he also needs to be mature about her feelings.and HE needs to go out of his way,she will notice
    MRSBUSYMOM

    Answer by MRSBUSYMOM at 6:01 AM on May. 10, 2009

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