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How can my daughter learn disicpine with her 3 yearold son without felling guilty??

My grandson is 3 yearsold today. My daughter is a single mom.He is very wild with her he does not listen to her. She feels guilty when she tries to punish him. When he goes to visit his father they do not discipline him at all. So when he comes home she has to start all over again. He goes to his dads 2 days a week and everyother weekend, she is trying to change that. We took him to the Dr. and he does not have autism but the Dr. wants to test him for lead. At his fathers house there was an old house they had torne down there could have been lead in the paint on the house. If you have any advice for us it would surely be apperciated.

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Asked by hcashe216 at 6:51 AM on May. 9, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (5)
  • First, both she and her child's father need to come to a meeting of the minds when it comes to the rules and expectations of THEIR child when staying with one another.

    Discipline is not truly effective (or "guilt free") unless you are FAIR and CONSISTENT!

    BOTH of them need to realize that MANY behavior problems can be nipped in the bud if addressed quickly and consistently enforced, and that it is in the BEST INTEREST of their child.

    Both of my boys have high functioning autism, and I expect of them the same any parent would want/expect of their typically developing children--I just give my boys more "chances/warnings" before they are punished for their behaviors.

    Your daughter needs to decide if she wants to have a tough time raising her child, or an "easier" time. As you know, parenting isn't easy no matter how you do it, but it CAN be easier if/when children learn boundaries--and the earlier, the better!!! :o)

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:03 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • It is her responsibility to show the child his boundaries and to enforce them. She is the parent, not a buddy. If the father is not doing his duty by the child, then she must set the boundaries, set the policies, and be consistent about enforcing them. The child will be better off all of his life to know proper behavior.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:06 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • she shouldn't feel guilty disciplining her child. she isn't doing him any favors by not doing it. i'm sure should wouldn't like him to grow up to be a criminal or worse. she'll be doing her job as a parent by disciplining him.

    Answer by gabenmikeysmom at 8:29 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • First of all, how does your daughter view discipline - as TEACHING or PUNISHMENT? If she can learn how to address it as teaching (because that is what we, as parents, do - we teach our children how to behave, how to respond, how to use manners, etc...), then she can learn that every moment is a teachable moment. However, is discipline to her is punishment only, then it's only used AFTER the bad behavior has happened and cannot be applied all the time. While discipline is a 24/7 opportunity, punishment is strictly based on the child's behavior and is not as effective long-term. So first, I would recommend she change her thinking from punishment to discipline and find ways of encouraging her child to positive behaviors. Positive reinforcement may work here to begin with...then she needs to work out some consistent discipline options for when her son misbehaves and STICK TO THEM. Consistency is KEY!

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:52 AM on May. 9, 2009

  • If she does not teach him who else is? She is doing him a favor by teaching him thus disaplining him.

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 3:04 AM on May. 10, 2009

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