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Would you stay married "just for the children"? Do you think that this is the right thing to do even if you constantly argue with your spouse?

 
javiandjaysmom

Asked by javiandjaysmom at 7:24 PM on May. 9, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • never ever ever. my parents stayed married an extra 12 years "for the kids". they hated each other and it was so obvious to us, they barely spoke, one slept on the couch the other in the master bedroom, they argued if they did talk, they wouldn't even ride in the same car to mine or my sisters weddings or sit together when they did get there. they have been divorced a little over a year now, and their relationship is so much better b/c they aren't forced to live as room mates with someone they don't get along with. they even worked for the same company for 4 months and were able to get along there. i think its healthier for children to see that even though the parents don't love each other they can be friends than it is to just see the hateful part of a relationship
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:45 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • no, i wouldnt. It scars kids more to live in that kind of environment than to be from a broken home. I have several close friends who grew up with parents that constantly fought. I cant tell you how many times they have said that they wished their parents had split up long ago. Kids see, hear and understand so much more then they are given credit for.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 7:27 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • no if you aren't happy your kids can pick up on it. It would probably be better to be apart... for the kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • I really don't think I would. If I could leave and make it on my own, I would go and do my best to make the transition as painless as possible for my kids. Any child of divorce will tell you how horrendous the fighting is to hear.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:29 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • no,never. my parents hated each other when i was growing up and i genuinely blame them for issues with my relationships now. i used to beg them to get divorced because i couldnt take the yelling at all hours of the night and the tension it created. I would much rather not be together but be civil if things went downhill for df and i
    Kennadismom

    Answer by Kennadismom at 7:41 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • My parents last 3yrs of marriage was 'for the children' (mom was saving up $$ to get out). Those years were filled with fights, arguments, yelling, tension, cold silences, backstabbing, it was awful!! My sis lived on pins and needles, never knowing what the 'mood of the house' would be like -- it could change in an instant. Once my parents separated and we moved out, life was sooooo much better. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Sis and I finally had a peace and stability-- we were not living in a 'war zone' anymore.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 7:55 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • It's better to split up. My parents fought as long as I can remember, with nasty name calling, violence, etc. It was horrible, for me and my 3 siblings. The memories are horrible, it was embarasssing at the time, and I wish my mom had left him a long time ago. We all got through it without therapy lol, but I think it affected my brother the most. He outwardly acted for a long time, my sisters and I just kept everything to ourselves and tried to act like everything was alright. Like one of the above posters said, we all have some relationship issues now because of it. Nothing major, but really thinking about it, it has to have stemmed from that.
    jmpeskie

    Answer by jmpeskie at 8:02 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • Since my husband's not alcoholic, abusive, violent, mean, or nasty - yeah. Yeah I would stick it out for the kids.

    My moods toward him fluctuate all the time. I'm bipolar. I can love him one day and be heartily sick of him the next. He's okay with that, and while I am not - I'm waiting for medication to even out my mood swings - I do my best to maintain a healthy relationship. We have no reason to split up, except that my mood swings make me miserable.

    I grew up in a terrible household, but my parents got along because my dad was a long-haul trucker. He was never home. Now that he IS home, they think they'll divorce finally.
    rainbowlight

    Answer by rainbowlight at 8:26 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • no and I didn't. I think it's cruel and harmful to the children and I left and never regretted it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:34 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • Staying together just for the children is the worst thing that you could do. Your just making them more miserable. It will be hard on everyone for a while, but separation is the best thing to do if you just cant get along no matter what. Before any drastic decisions are made, Have you tried counseling?
    BooHooMommy

    Answer by BooHooMommy at 8:42 PM on May. 9, 2009