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When is divorce ok?

What would you do if you found out that your husband of 7 years had emotionally and physically abused your child for 5 years and the abuse has not happened in 2 years. I mean there is still some emotional abuse but no physical. My husband has been on antidepressants and has been saved. Although the name calling and things like that still happen from time to time. Now my child is in a deep depression because of the past. What would you do? I am starting marriage counseling and under the care of the womens ministeries for guidance. Please specify if you are a Christian or not when answering. Please dont bash me.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on May. 9, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (25)
  • I would probably stay with my husband. He has already showen that he wants to do the work necessary to change. That is HUGE if you ask me. Get the child and the father into a counseling for the two of them so they can try to create a bond and maybe find the root reason for the abuse. And also to talk about the occasional current abuse. Any kind of counseling you can get your hands on would be good. For you and your family. As long as he shows that he IS making an effort and does WANT to change then do your best to work through it and stick with it. And dont forget to explain things to the child. If you can work through this issue that will teach your child so much in so many different ways. Especially if you explain as much as is appropriate to the child. Good luck with your family. I wish you the best.
    I am not Christian. I am religious and spiritual in other ways. But not Christian.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 8:18 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • OMG get out of there. Your child will be more screwed up when they get older if they know there father treated like this and there mother kept him around... They'll think no one cares.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • I would listen very carefully to the advice or your ministry

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • OP HERE He knows I care and have talked to him about this. I have told my son that I felt like I have failed him as a mother. I also have three other children who are very young. My husband show remorse for what he has done BUT he makes me sick. I cant stand him right now and to see the pain my son goes through just kills me inside. My son knows I care but I am afraid that he is going to look back later and ask why did I stay after I knew?

    I am not sure my husband wants to change because an important step to changing is to dig into your childhood and figure out why you are the way yo are and he really really does not want to do this. If he does not then it is over.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • I would say try to get help... but if he doesn't change, or the abuse is very bad, your child comes first. She has no choice in this, you and your husband do... she is the victim here. Your responsibility is to her... as a mother, protecting your children comes FIRST. Get your daughter to a therapist before she harms herself over this.

    And not to sound terribly rude, but where were you when this was happening? Did you really not notice this was going on, or did you turn a blind eye and now you feel bad?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • OP HERE~ Sometimes I was home and others I was not. My husband lied to me about the stuff my son was doing and saying. He had be believing him. I do feel horrible about it, I did fail him (my son) and if I could go back I would do plenty of things different. My son has seen counselors and will not talk. See let me explain an instance so maybe you will get an better understanding of what we are talking about. My husband would tell him to go to his room, so we could talk about whatever it is that my son did wrong. My son would defiantly say no. He would get in my husbands face. DH would say again to go to his room and son would say no. Finally DH would pick him up and physically carry him into his room. Then maybe hit his head on the door or something like that. My son would say mom he hit my head on purpose and then DH would call him a liar. And it would go on like that. That is an example for you to get an idea.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • You keep saying "I" and "My" not "we" and "our." Is your husband the kid's father or is he from a previous relationship?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • I am a Christian, I think you should do what is best for your child. She would probably be better off away from him, at least I would if I were her,

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:41 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • She needs to know that it is not right for him to do things like that, and that she didn't or doesn't deserve it. She needs to know that you are on her side, and that she can trust you. She probably has some very deep issues.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:44 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • OP Here~ My son is from a previous marriage. He is 14 now and he was 4 when we got together. I also have a 7 year old, 3 and almost 2. I do that will all of my kids tho. I call them mine. lol He does call my husband dad. Now most of the time the realtionship between them is good, but then there are the times its not. For example if DH has to change his meds he is probably going to be like that way he was before until they kick in. I think it is a cycle that wont stop unless he looks into why he is like this. I do believe my husband failed my son also and so does my son BUT I falied him as a mother. You see what I am saying? I am just sick over this. I feel terrible, I love my kids so very much and I would take any pain they have in a minute.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on May. 9, 2009

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