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Please tell me what would you do???????

I am 35 and I have had the same best friend since I was 20. Growing up we have been there for each other through thick and thin and I love her dearly. The problems is with in about the past five years our lives have been changing. Where we use to be almost exactly a like. Now we aren't. She lives about 40 minutes away and lugging all three of my children over there just really feels like a chore. Not to mention finding that kind of time is hard. We live in a big neighborhood and I have friends here I have had for 8 years. I don't cuss she does. I am uncomfortable with the way she raises her kids. I think her husband is uncomfortable with how much money we make. Her husband drinks a lot and mine is against alcohol. Keeping the friendship has begun to feel like a chore. I don't want to lose her but, uggh. Some of what they do I don't want around my kids.





Please tell me what would you do. It is tugging

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on May. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Take some time off of the friendship and focus on your family, if you miss the relationship give her a call a little later.
    Shelly922731

    Answer by Shelly922731 at 12:02 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • Sorry to hear this but it is common. Friendships do run their course sometimes and it seems like some important factors are coming between your interest in really making it work. I'd really look at that. People do come and go in our lives for a reason. For example, I had several party friends in college and while I have many fond memories, I am the only one with kids and cannot see them often, nor do I try. I really have my life to live and they can't relate. you're not a bad person, your relationship, though dear, is changing and you have to do what's right for your family. That's not to say if she needed you desperately, you wouldn't run to her side.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:03 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • That's a hard question, that only you know the answer to... If it was me I would just cut ties, talk on the phone, but don't make plans, start spending more time with your other friends, friends always come and go, it's just a part of life...People grow apart, it's sad...but it's reality.
    pamelajqs

    Answer by pamelajqs at 12:03 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • I have alot of different type of friends. I have the family get together friend, in which both of us and our spouses get together occasionally for dinner or a barbeque. Then I have the friend that I get together with when our husbands are working. I also have friends in which our primary relationship is shared through the phone, (this includes my high school friends, whom I love dearly, but whose lives are so different than mine.)
    It works great for me.
    bellasrose71008

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 12:06 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • Trust in your heart to do the right thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • sometimes friends fall apart when there isnt really any "reason" for it. It happens. If you feel like it's a chore maybe you're doing all the work. A friendship goes both ways. If she wants to be your friend maybe she should pack up her kids and go to your house.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:12 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • I miss her a lot and she misses me. There are things about her though I don't want around my kids. Like the way she talks and I do not believe in the way she corrects her children. So I really don't want my kids around it. She yells at her kids a lot. I mean I am not one of those people that doesn't discipline her kids but, I manage to do it most of the time with out resorting to those tactics. I have for many years just tried to do things with the two of us. As time goes on though most of what I do involves my children. I mean I don't want to find a baby sitter every time I want to do something. They also still like to part. Uggh I guess I know what I should do by listening to myself but, it is hard. I really miss her. I lost my other best friend at 25 because, she started doing drugs. I really don't want to lose my other best friend. :0( Thanks everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • I have a friend like that too. Though I moved five hours away from her, I just try to call at least a few times a month and when I go back home, I see if she wants to take her and my kids to mcdonalds for lunch. That way the kids can play and you guys can visit for a little bit. Or if you have the chance to take a day by yourself and the two of you have lunch together. I also make sure that I send the holiday cards and birthday cards just to let her know I am thinking of her. Hope that helps. :)
    dolphinkisses

    Answer by dolphinkisses at 12:14 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • people come into our lives for a reason and a season. Perhaps her season is about over and it's time to allow the new ppl in your life a chance to influence your children. You can still remain friends but live does go on when the road forks and we go in different directions as our friends.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:26 AM on May. 10, 2009

  • If you dont like the way she acts around your kids then leave the kids home with your husband and you and your girlfriend have a girls day out. even if all you do is go get coffee and walk around a mall so you can hang out and talk. This way your kids arnt around that and you still get to see your friend.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 10:08 PM on May. 10, 2009

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