Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do you think about this article from the Boston Globe about Birthmothers Day?

 
onethentwins

Asked by onethentwins at 3:28 PM on May. 10, 2009 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,486 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • I like the article and I certainly respect their right to have a day that recognizes them and to reach out and find support in one another. That doesn't exclude a birthmother from mother's day and being honored. Part of honoring is honoring yourself. That inner knowledge and truth that no one can touch. You know if you are a mother. But it is nice to also for adoptees as well. To be able to have, in addition to Mother's Day, a special day that is devoted entirely to celebrating this one woman. A birthday certainly evokes emotions about a bmom but it is a shared special day. Mother's Day a great day to honor both women. But Birthmother's Day is JUST for bmoms. That I find very healing and I think now I will set aside that day for my child as the day to celebrate only my child's bmom and to have some sort of special aknowledgement at home as well as sending a letter/update. Such as planting a tree and talking about
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:28 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • I liked the article, liked the general idea behind it. It's really scary to me that birthmother's day hadn't even existed until 1990- that's really sad. Makes me really think of The Girls Who Went Away, who didn't have a Birthmother's Day to celebrate. Though, I must admit, the holiday is not one of healing or celebration for me. It serves the purpose of a constant reminder that tomorrow is going to suck! Tomorrow being Mother's Day that is. But that's just ME. If it brings moments of healing to other birthmothers I think that is GREAT! Thanks for posting! :) I'm glad to see it getting out in the open more.
    lillie023

    Answer by lillie023 at 3:38 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • I don't know. I would love to see birth mothers triumph over the lies of guilt and shame and know they are forgiven and loved deeply by God and that they are mothers. Mothers day seems a great day to honor us all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • Anon can you clarify what you mean by the lies of guilt and shame? I'm not picking fights I just don't understand what you meant by that. Thank you.
    lillie023

    Answer by lillie023 at 5:12 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • "Though she was raising two daughters, her special day was filled with grief and shame."

    I was referring to the emotions as stated above, as they were referred to in the referenced article.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:29 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • ""I didn't feel like I should take the flower because I didn't feel I deserved it,"

    Another quote from the article to clarify my reference to her feelings.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • I too would love birth mothers to triumph over the lies of guilt and shame. If you ever get the chance to read the book Lillie023 reference, The Girls Who Went Away, you'llsee where it comes from. Guilt and Shame was heaped upon those women and they were warned never to tell anyone and to forget all about the child they had. I know a woman from that era who's amazing and highly successful. She still feels shame and is horrified at the thought of her peers knowing about her son, even though she's been in reunion with him for 7 years. Those of us who know her are shocked because she seems so confident and fabulous. They really did do a number on those girls back then.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:47 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • how strong roots are. Or something memorable and also tangable so that my chid can revisit it often when this child needs/wants to. Perhaps even a special garden to watch and care for as it grows. Something symbolic. What can I say? I'm hippy mushy person.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • That's a great point. Adoptees that have both mothers in their lives can feel a lot of loyalty issues on mothers day. They know they should really spend it with their amoms, but may feel guilty about not seeing bmom. So if she has her own day, it's almost like a gift to Adoptees. I like that a lot. Also, an adult adoptee once told me that while we bmoms are wishing our adoptees could be with us, that many of them feel left out that they cant be with us and their birth siblings. Celebrating birthmothers day means that he doesn't have to share her with her other children. That really puts a positive spin on things.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:08 PM on May. 10, 2009