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How can I beat Passive Aggressive?

My husband is passive aggressive. He will not do anything that might possible end up being wrong. He will not make a decision because someone might not agree. He would rather sit on the couch and listen to our autistic son scream than to try to find out what the problem is. I am overwelhmed and could really use his help.


Asked by Katie911 at 7:09 PM on May. 10, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • Definetly does NOT sound like PA. Does he interact with your child when there is no screaming? I know a friend of mine ended up becoming a backline parent because whenever he tried to help, he was always told he was doing it wrong. Of course he will not do everything exactly the same as you, but he should be encouraged to do something so that he gains the self confidence to keep that up. I would give him some possitive reinforcements (not condescending though) when he does interact -- and really encourage it when there is not a negative behavior going on as well. I mean, maybe he is overwhelmed by that too and just doesn't have the confidence you do to know how to deal with it.

    Either way, good luck. Keep your chin up and communications open.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • Good grief. I am sorry. I dont really know what to say...

    Answer by sewsewbusy at 7:13 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • That's not being passive aggressive, that's being lazy. I would just tell him that at this point you'd rather him do ANYTHING then nothing at all. But he really needs to step up to the plate and DO something. Even if it ends up being the wrong thing to do. Sitting there doing nothing is not going to help the situation, and as you know it's going to just stress you out more.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:32 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • He's being passive alright. Start demanding that he pitch in this minute!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • Leave his lazy ass.
    What a loser.

    Answer by amber710 at 7:54 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • how about get up and help or get out. imo, u wouuld better off trying to deal with this issue yourself then to have to tell your dh to help out. it he hasnst figured something out by now i doubt he will change. i wish u good luck. there are lots of sites online that offer suggestions and services for children with these problems. ask your pediatrician if u need more help. good luck, it seems to me its up to u momma.

    Answer by emily1234 at 7:55 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • I had to buy the book How to Live with A Passive Aggressive Man. Maybe you could read up on how to deal with him. There are also websites for dealing with a PA man. GL

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:29 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • Doesn't quite sound like passive aggressivesness; it sounds like he just needs a backbone or more confidence. No disrespect to your husband but it is not fair for you to bear the weight of making ALL of the decisions. I don't know how much you two talk but there is something deeper. Did someone close to him verbally abuse him often growing up, resulting in him having no confidence in himself and his decision? Try really talking and getting him to open up. My df was a passive aggressive and it truly made me STRONGLY dislike him. Instead of confronting an issue, he'd do things to upset me so I'd know he was mad about something. Really stupid. I hope this helps.

    Answer by His_Mommy26 at 10:37 PM on May. 10, 2009