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Is this normal play or way more serious?

My nephew of sister 1 is age 4. He was kicked out of day care for inappropriate behaviors (sexual play w/ boys, he put their privates in his mouth). He also did to my other nephew of sister 2. This is causing big issues between my sisters. Sister 2 does not think sister 1 is doing enough. Nephew is on second counselor to figure things out. My dad thinks he might be gay. Is 4 too early to know? Why else might he be targetting so many little boys? He has been caught with different boys each time. We are all very concerned but the counselors do not think he has been abused. Any suggestions or insight? Also, DFCS wont help unless a report is filed, sister 1 already sought out their help/advice.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on May. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • i dont know if they can be "gay" this early, but maybe your youngest sister was seen performing a BJ, or saw something on tv?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • That is something to be concerned about. Boys his age don't know anything about sex. He must have picked it up somewhere.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • Not normal

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • I'd be more likely to suspect sexual abuse. He's at an age where he's more likely to mimic things he's seen. Does sister, her husband, or siblings of this child watch dirty movies that he could be seeing? When I was 5 my cousin and I "played" around with touching privates. My older brother had a porno and we watch it with him and a bunch of other cousins when the oldest ones or baby sitting. We were curious and trusted each other since we were the same age. So it's quite possible he just saw this somewhere and think it's OK behavior.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • Well, it has got to stop. Totally inappropriate and can even become a legal issue, I hate to say, if he does this to the wrong family. Keep with the counseling and in contact with the doctor. I think whether or not he's gay is totaly irrelevant. Even if he were, it wouldn't mean he'd be sexually explicit like this. I'm suspicious of abuse but I suppose it could be exploration. Maybe Anon at :29 is right, he saw something? Gosh, I don't know, but I applaud you for trying to help. All avenues should be exhausted before blowing it off though. Could be trouble in his home?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • If the counselors do not believe he is being abused then he has been seeing things he shouldn't. Putting his mouth on other kids parts is not a normal behavior. If the mom refuses to do everything she can to figure out what the cause is and to stop the behaviors then you and your other sister have no choice but to keep your kids away at all costs.
    My nephew had started demanding to see other boys parts at about age six. It turns out that one of the kids in the neighborhood had been sexually abused and was in turn abusing the kids in the neighborhood. All the little boys had a "sex club" (their term not mine) and were looking at each others parts and touching each other, because of this one little boy.
    My sister moved and had her son go to counseling. She still is cautious about her son being alone with other kids...just to make sure nothing untoward is happening.
    Good Luck I am sure this is hard for the whole family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • i don't think being gay has anything to do with it, he wouldn't know what to do if he hadn't seen it, had it done to him, or had to do it to someone else. so i would talk to his mother see if its possible he saw her doing something or if he has a babysitter maybe the baby sitter had a bf over when she wasn't supposed to and did things when she thought he was asleep. i would stick with the counseling until things get figured out, and i would probably suggest to my other sister that her son talk to someone as well if he is extremely upset about it, seeing all the adults freak out over it probably didn't help him to understand anything, especially since he wasn't the one that came up with the idea (nephew #2)

    Answer by vabchmommy at 9:38 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • They are all right. He is copying something that he is seeing or is being done to him. When children have sexual curiosity they do thing to themselves not the other way around. You need to watching that family sitution there. Either something really f*cked up is going on or Mommy and Daddy need to lock there bedroom door. Good Luck to you all.

    Answer by Jillybeans24 at 9:47 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • I don't think he is gay, it's too soon to tell but his behavior is NOT normal. Stick with counseling. I am also shocked that the day care didn't call DCFS and report the behavior to them.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:47 PM on May. 10, 2009

  • Thats not normal at all. DFC needs to be involved no matter if theres a report filed or not. Your sister needs more help then just what shes getting this little boy is learning this from somewhere and that needs to be found out. This little boy just did'nt learn this on his own. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on May. 10, 2009

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