Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I suck at being a mother!

Most days I am pretty good. I try to be patient and kind. I pray for them, love them, and take care of them. But today... I screwed up. I was feeling overwhelmed and I started yelling about how they are asking too much from me, and about how I should never of been allowed to have kids, about how I can barely take care of myself and I can't really take care of them. I said that I was going to run away. I know it sounds so immature and mean, but I felt as if I was going to burst. Anyway, my question is this: If a mother is psychologically abusive, should she not be allowed to be around her children?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on May. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I thought I should mention that when I finally looked up at them after all my yelling, they all had tears in their eyes. I suck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • Your human. It happens.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • That really does suck. My mom used to do that often when we grew up. She says now she really wishes she could go back and go to counseling or at least have taken some time to unwind by herself so she wouldn't get so annoyed by us. Being a mother is hard and we all make mistakes but as long as you learn from you mistakes you aren't a bad person. Just remember those tears on Mother's Day 09 every single time you're about to burst and next time maybe you'll be able to cool down before you start saying things you don't mean. Tomorrow talk to your children and let them know what you just told us that you love them and that you are embarrased by how you acted (I assume you are since you wrote this) and promise to work harder as a family at getting along. I'll pray for you. Sometimes you just need a support system! Good luck and remember you aren't a terrible person just bc you acted terrible one day!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • well, I think at one point in being a parent that you end up screwing up here and there. My mom was abused when she was young, and so even though she tried not to, she ended up doing it to me, cause everytime she did it, she would go in the bedroom and cry afterwards.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • How old are your kids?
    sami7jami8

    Answer by sami7jami8 at 1:46 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • 13, 11, 9, 2, 11 months
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I think you were out of line. I also think you were human. If I were you, I think I would tell them that you're really sorry that you said those things, and that you didn't mean it. But, just like how sometimes they get upset or mad and say things to people they love (each other, friends, etc) that they don't mean, they just say it because they're upset, sometimes Mom's do the same thing. Tell them that we SHOULDN'T do that, but that Mom's are just people, too, and sometimes we make mistakes, and that your mistake was yelling at them and saying these things.

    Then hug them and tell them how much you love them, and tell them some wonderful, specific things you love about being their mom, or about them, specifically.

    After that, you need to make sure that you have some time for YOURSELF - being a mom is a HUGE part of who you are, but it should NOT be ALL that you are. When you let it become all that you are,

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:07 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • cont

    When you let it become ALL that you are, then you become burnt out and stressed, and you don't do yourself or your kids any good. One of the biggest gifts you can give to your kids is a Mom who isn't stressed and overwhelmed and burnt out. Hire a sitter for the younger ones, tell the older ones you you need some __ (insert your first name here) time. Then give them the numbers to reach you, reach a friend, etc for emergencies and a time you'll be back. Then go to the movies. Go to lunch with a friend. Go sit in the park and read a book, go for a walk, or, honestly, send them all to a friend's house and go take a hot bubble bath, SOMETHING, and do this regularly.

    If this doesn't help things, then honestly, I think, for ALL of your sakes, you need to look at getting some counseling.

    Just remember, NONE of us are perfect, the key is how we handle our mistakes :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:13 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I think so much is expected out of a mother (and rightly so), but it just gets overwhelming and sometimes we snap. Taking a short break (even if it's an hour by yourself at the library), may be good for you. Apologizing is a necessity, but do know you're not alone. Just the other day, I literally shut myself in my room, threw the blankets over my head and bawled my eyes out...We all break down once in a while.
    sparrowprincess

    Answer by sparrowprincess at 2:51 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I THINK UDO NEED TO DO ALL HE THINGS SAILORWIFENMOM SUGGESTED BUT I DO BELIEVE U NEED SOME IMMEDIATE COUNSELING TOO. GO TO THE WOMENS SHELTER AND C WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR U. U TRULY HURT YOUR CHILDREN WHEN U GET OVERWHELMED AND U NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. WHEN U LEARN HOW IT HANDLE STRESS U WILL B MUCH HAPPIER AND SO WILL YR CHILDREN, BEST OF LUCK.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 AM on May. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN