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I do not understand my hubbys family?

They call up here and always ask to speak to him reg. things that are a couples decisions. His Mom will buy us things for the house/ kids and ask him if it is ok, even if I answer the phone- they dont bother asking me about anything. Then I end up urguing with hubby cause he doesnt value my opionion. ie. his mom bought the baby a swing for her birthday to go in the yard- well I like going to the park to talk to the other Moms and she can see the other kids. I did not want a swing for the yard. I am not ungrateful, I did not say anything to his Mom, but this is what she does( all the time)- his family never asks me. For xmas they bought this horrible Santa for our yard & they never asked me- I could go on and on. What can I do about this?? They act like its only his house and like he is my boss.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:12 AM on May. 11, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • HIs Mom should accept you as his wife-like they say in that old poem..... A sons a son till he takes a wife... A daughter is a daughter her whole life. I have a grown son and I accept his family and he spends time with me, I would never tell him how to decorate his house or drop off cakes just for him when he has other peoplke living with him - you share when you are a family. My son respects me cause I treat his partner well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Sounds like they are having a hard time respecting you as his wife. What kind of one on one relationship do you have with your MIL? I mean, do you call her without hubby being there? Do you hang out with her or shop with her? You need to build a relationship with your MIL that has nothing to do with your husband. You and her need to be friends. I can;t think of a relationship that I would want to work on more than the one with the person who birthed and raised my best friend in the world. Thats a very important person. I know MIL's can be annoying and pushy sometimes, but make her feel special. Ask her advice on issues that don't really matter and take it. Just act like you have a general interest in her life. I promise you, if you will go out of your way to build relationship with her aside from your dh, then she will start calling you when she finds good deals or wants to buy a gift for you. Get to know her.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:18 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • These people are your husband's family, and I'm pretty sure they were like this when you chose to marry into them. You have no power to change them nor your husband. What you can do is realize that they are giving gifts to your family, and you can force yourself to express gratitude for whatever they give you. It really is the thought that counts. If you don't want the santa in your yard, put it in a bedroom at Christmas time. And having a swing in your yard does not mean you can't still go to the park every day if that's what you want to do. It kind of sounds like the real problem is that you want your husband to choose you over his family. Because you don't feel that he has, you are a little miffed. To keep finding fault with them and everything they do will only push him further away. Remember, these are the people he grew up with and this is the behavior that to him is normal. Accept it, and be happy!!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:47 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • Look at it this way. It's just as much his house as it is yours. So you didn't want a swing in the yard. Maybe he did. Isn't his opinion just as important as yours? And of course his family is going to go to him. They are his family. Maybe you should try having a relationship with his mother. Things may go a little differently. In the meantime appreciate that she is thinking of you and say thank you.

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 8:54 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • how long have you an him been married/together? do you have a relationship with his family at all? i dont know the situation very well but dont take it personal i use to ask my hubby the same question why does his family go to him....HELLLOOO it is his family eventhough im part of their family as well at the time i didnt know them very well. we didnt always get along either. you should stop thinking that they're out to hurt your feelings cause im sure deep down thats not what they're trying to do. an you shouldnt get on ur husbands case about it either its not his fault his family goes to him for everything...if i had more information about the whole situation id probably have better advice for ya. you just shouldnt take it to personally just be grateful that they're willing to buy things for your kids & you. you can still go to the park an talk to other moms. you should relax an be thankful for the gifts
    jesslyne

    Answer by jesslyne at 12:04 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I asked this question----His family when I ask them why they called and if I can help them very nicely- They say we'll call back when he's home, I should be included in decision making- they act like he is my boss. I do not belive in keeping secrects from your spouse, my family doesnt treat him that way. They ask both of us if we want something/ or what to get the kids. I an nice to his Mom I bite my tounge- I feel he should tell her he is married and they should ask me too. Besided half the time he has to call me from the other room to ask me the kids clothes sizes, etc. anyway- so why dont they just ask me in the first place. I get upset because it is a control issue, We bought our house off his parents full price and his Mom is still trying to decorate it her way. When we got married she made cakes just for him- (not the kids). His Mom can't cut the apron strings. She wants to talk to him any excuse-yWe are a family
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Good luck with that mother in law. Sounds like she never wanted him to get married to anyone-mommys boy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on May. 11, 2009