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Why does it hurt so much??

This was my 1st Mothers Day, and I didnt expect anything HUGE, a simple card from my SO or something.... I didnt even get that... Am I doing something wrong? I feel like I am not doing a good enough job and maybe I dont deserve any kind of gift... He said he was sorry and he hopes it will be easier for him to remember when we move into the new house, but he doesnt understand how hurt I am... I didnt tell him, I told him I was fine and that it was fine, I held back all the tears... Jacob is 3 months old and I am a SAHM, I love it, but I get so lonley... I would have liked a simple something... It shouldnt hurt me as much, but it does and I dont know why... What should I do? Should I tell him? He is a great guy and I love him with all I am... He gets hurt when I am hurt and he feels awful, like he doesnt deserve me, I dont want him to feel like that.. I just want him to know that it hurts... What do you think?

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ashley_hatty

Asked by ashley_hatty at 8:39 AM on May. 11, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 8 (210 Credits)
Answers (33)
  • men...= stupid... ive learned after almost 10 years with my husband LEAVE HINTS.. lots of them till it sinks in their brain..(which mind u isnt as complex as ours) i had to tell mine so mothers day is coming up what are we doing for it. with men its easier being upfront ..
    preggoinmn

    Answer by preggoinmn at 8:43 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • My husband was the same way the last 2 years. Not even a card. Absolutely it hurt and I did like you did and said everything was fine and I didn't NEED anything (which is true but a note would have been nice). He made up for it this year though in a big big way.

    I would guess he probably already knows you are upset but I would tell him anyway. It's never a good thing to hide when you're upset. It just eats at you and you will get bitter and angry. Anyway good luck and happy belated mothers day :)
    Xynyth

    Answer by Xynyth at 8:48 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • im having the same situation. my husband didn't do anything for me. no card, no gift, no back massage...and he made me go pick up my own dinner. Im terribly hurt by this, and I'm trying not to be. we have a 5 week old little girl, and i know our lives are tough right now, but i'm tired of making excuses for him. he had every chance to do SOMETHING...nothing extravegent, i would of absolutely loved a homemade card...so i know what you mean about being unsure to talk to him about it. if you can i would gently...im more of a "hold it in" person, which isn't good. if I can bring it up gently i just may do so myself. good luck and hang in there....your a great mom and when things settle down it'll get better...oh i agree with pregoinmn...men def. =stupid.
    clransom

    Answer by clransom at 8:51 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I wouldn't say anything- just return the favor at Father's Day and see if he notices. Then bring it up then. Maybe when the shoe is on the other foot it will make more of an impact.
    dawpea

    Answer by dawpea at 8:52 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • me to..having the same problem..MEn ARE STUPID And Selfish
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • He probably didn't even think of it. Men are kind air heads sometimes... your not HIS mother so he probably never though to get you something for your son. (My husband went out the day OF mother's day to find me something)
    Try not to take it personally. You son loves you very much and I'm sure both your son and husband think you are the greatest mom.
    AmiJanell

    Answer by AmiJanell at 8:59 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I can definitely understand where you're coming from. We've got three kids, and this is my 7th Mother's Day. You'd think that my DH would figure things out by now..Nope..I know with my DH, you have to TELL him what I'd like, and remind him..
    MamaCeleste0722

    Answer by MamaCeleste0722 at 9:05 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • My husband cooked, and cleaned, and that is about it. I actually enjoyed that rather than a card. He does that every year for me. I do know where you are coming from though. He never used to do things like that for me until we got married....crazy isnt it? Tell him how you feel, but in a way that his feelings wont get hurt. He sounds like a great man to me =]
    Nera1214

    Answer by Nera1214 at 9:19 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish...That was supposed to cheer you up. seriously though, men are cluless sometimes and don't understand motherhood and all the sacrafices that we make. ALWAYS being on call, never being able to relax fully. All I asked for from my SO was to sleep untill 8:00 without a hassel. I have an infant and a 3 year old. Well at 6:00 the baby pooped and he didn't want to deal with it, so I had to get up and then the other one heard me and woke up and that was the end of my mother's day request. I was so pissed I almost made him eat the diaper for breakfast. They just don't get that we NEVER get a moment to be just us. We are always mothers. They go to work or go to sleep and are not oncall to their kids. You have to constantly, constantly remind him of this. He is not a bad guy, he is just a guy.
    missv66

    Answer by missv66 at 9:35 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • My husband is stupid, and that's what I'm blaming it on. Don't get me wrong, he's a smart guy, IQ is 148, but he's really emoitionally stupid. I've learned in 10 years to leave hints or flat out tell him. Even then, sometimes, he doesn't listen. He'll do what HE thinks is best, even when I've told him what i wanted. This Mother's Day was no exception. I asked him for a Spa Package from the country club we are members at. He laughed and told me that was silly, I mean who in their right mind would want a massage and facial, right? Idiot. I got some chocolate covered strawberry package from Sherrie's Berries, some division or pro-flowers.com, yeah...no comparison. He was super excited when the package arrived. I wanted to cry. Not because I didn't get what i wanted, but after 10 years, he still doesn't listen. He's a wonderful husband and father, but he just lacks in the common sense and gift giving dept.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on May. 11, 2009

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