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Dating with herpes....

I've had the same best friend for over 3 years and until a few months ago thats all it ever was. I've seen him at his best and worst and he at mine. A year ago he contracted herpes and I was there for him when he needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to talk to. Although I don't understand fully as I don't have it, as a nurse I try to understand how he is feeling. It became clear quite quickly that our feelings for each other were stronger than we had ever imagined. I'm so absolutely in love with him and after a month it dawned on me, for the first time ever, that he is the man I will spend the rest of my life with. My only issue now is the herpes. I know he loves me but he is so worried about spreading it that he doesn't allow much to happen between us physically or that often. I understand and appreciate him not wanting to spread it, but its hard. Any advice from those who deal with the same thing?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on May. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I don't know anything about herpes but have see commercials for Valtrex quite often.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I've never dealt with the same situation. It must be very hard, but you are very lucky to have a man who cares about your health, just try and remember that at the hardest moments.

    Answer by ajguinn at 11:09 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I have herpes. I was married for 8 husband, now an EX, never got it. Be careful. When he is broken out dont have sex. When you do have sex make sure you "wash" after you are done. That is always what we did. He never wore a condom either. i am in no way promising that you will not get it. I am just saying there is a chance you could go for quite some time. If you love him and think you are going to spend the rest of your life with him then the herpes should not get in the way for either of you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • Your are a nurse, you should know what you have to do protect yourself and him. It sounds like he cares about you very much, don't let Herpes prevent you from a loving relationship. Just be careful and take precuations.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:14 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • herpes is not that bad! go for it or him! My husband and I have herpes and a large healthy family ! You just take valterx b4 you give birth so your baby will not get vision probs. I get only minor outbreaks and he really has no symptoms. I would say there is a fatigue that comes with it though and back pain ect., but minor just eat healthy! How do you know he does not have hpv I would be more worried about that b/c it causes cancer. Get him std checked???

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I've also seen the comercials for Valtrex, but don't know much about the disease itself. Good Luck to you though. You seeing past the herpes is awesome, that's true love. I hope things work out for you two.

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 11:17 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • Make him take a aids test also I am not being mean but you never know he was careless to get this Im sure he didnt mean to but like I said you never know


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I do understand the precautions that must be taken, but I guess what I'm having an issue with is more the emotional side of it all. It is hard to not be so physical as I'm very much a physical person and I know he is too. I'm just finding it all so frustrating. I'm self-conscious already, and I think part of my head takes it personal when we can't have sex, when I know its in my best interest. I guess I was just hoping maybe someone else had been in this same place before and maybe could understand how I was feeling. I don't want the herpes to get in the way, I just want to find a way to emotionally deal with it, I suppose. i love him to much to ever let him go, herpes or no herpes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I've seen the Valtrex comercials also. It's worth a try to talk to your doctor about it. You're very lucky to have found someone that cares so much about you that he'll do anything to protect you. Be thankful for that and love him as unconditionally as it sounds that he loves you. There are ways of protecting yourself. Don't be ashamed to ask a doctor. If dealing with it is bothering you emotionally, imagine how he feels and is going to feel for the rest of his life. He can't get away from Herpes and he's being extremely responsible in being open and honest about it and trying to protect you from getting it also.
    I've never had herpes, but I was once married to an dishonest man and never told him about his past. The result....Cervical Cancer at 23 years of age. I have battled it for years now going through numerous procedures, and now I am having to have a full hysterectomy. His dishonesty could have cost me my life.

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 11:49 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • You probably know about these things you're a nurse the times to avoid sex are when he has or thinks he's getting an outbreak if he takes medication regularly the chances of passing it on go way down... just play it safe He shouldn't feel ashamed he's going to have to learn how to live with this there are ways of being safe don't let it affect the emotional aspect of your relationship so much more people have this than you think. good luck to you guys it sounds like you have a loving respectful relationship!

    Answer by mizsaxton at 12:11 PM on May. 11, 2009

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