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Web-cam cheating - shhhh my wife is sleeping...

A few days ago I found my husbands AIM logs on his computer. I trust him absolutely, and normally would never look thru anything private of his but I saw a suggestive screen name, took a peak, chastising myself for nosiness sure it was harmless. The next hr or more I poured thru dozens of 'chats' only part of conversations carried on phone, web-cam, and chat rooms , in 1 he actually invites someone over, admits he's drunk and nothing comes of it. Chats with explicit-screen-name end only when he's prompted to leave me. In those conversations its suggested that he's done more then cyber with someone else. All the logs took place almost a yr ago. I confronted him, he said he was out of his mind, nothing came of it, and he never goes online anymore. He knew he was wrong, that he was hurting me and our child and thats why it stopped. My whole life revolves around my family literally. I'm a sahm and have no fam or friends nearby.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on May. 11, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Oh, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for you having to go through this because I know firsthand how painful it can be. I really don't have much advice as I have never really solved my problem either. It was years ago that I caught my soon to be hubby cheating, and I still live with the pain every single day. I always wonder where he's at, what he's doing, etc. I try to keep the family together for our kids, but sometimes, it's just so hard.
    I pray you'll find an answer to your problem that will bring peace to your heart. If he confessed openly to you without denying or blaming you for it, then I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe couples counseling could help. My fiance always blamed me for it and never admitted to anything until I caught him red handed. Good Luck and God Bless

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • I was devstated when I found my husband looking at Porno one night. It breaks the trust no matter when it happened. But if he truelly regrets it and stops than it is possible to get past it. The emotional pain caused to you takes a long time and if your like me you will still wonder from time to time. But try not to dwell on it.

    Answer by Katie911 at 11:42 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • Join the detective wives forum on this site. You'll find everything you need there.

    Answer by imacafemom at 11:43 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • Did he admit to actually meeting someone, and cheating? I think it's a good sign that he didn't entertain the suggestion of leaving you. Have you guys tried therapy? Do you see yourself foegiving him? It will take a long time for him to earn your trust again, and for you to forgive him. Honestly, I don't think I could, but lots of women can. I do hope for the best for you, and I hope you continue to seek support here.

    Answer by Buffie95 at 12:15 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • You found logs from a year ago probably because he's learned to cover his tracks since then & just forgot to get rid of the ones from so long ago.

    I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, personally.... and the sex would stop IMMEDIATELY until he was checked for everything imaginable!

    Answer by Laura1229 at 12:25 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • He denies ever meeting anyone in person, but can I believe that? All of a sudden I'm questioning EVERYTHING, like the several times he's accused me, or implied that I cheated on him under completely ridiculous circumstances. Is he so suspicious because he was/has cheated? I've allways laughed it off. But suspicious people are usually that way because they themselves are hiding something isn't that the way it works? And if he really didn't ever let it go into 'real' life, he was on web-cam taking and giving direction... Isn't that cheating! Its definately more then 'chatting'! We worked opposite schedules at the time, he was home alone all day and worked late nights. It never ever occurred to me that he might cheat. I still can't believe it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on May. 11, 2009