Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Those who have adopted how many adopted older children or infants with disabilites or "imperfections"?

We have adopted 7 children. Siblings ages 8, 6, 4 and 4 months when they came to live with us. Several families wanted the youngest but not the siblings. We decided petition to adopt them all from foster care ourselves and it was granted. I love my children they are great kids. We did adopt three infants from foster care but they were children who would not be adopted by those who want a "perfect" infant. We had challenges with all three but all are doing great. One had a hole in their heart, one was burned at 2 weeks old by her egg donor and one was born addicted to drugs. All are healthy now and doing well in school. Our oldest bio children and adopted children are out of the home either married with their own children or in college. So we are adopting again from foster care. There are 6 siblings ages 16, 13, 10, 7, 6 and 2 that want to stay together and live with us. Anyone else adopt the unadoptable?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on May. 11, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (16)
  • We have one bio child. I am no longer able to have children. We adpoted 2 brothers. They are identical twins born with Down Syndrome. They were 7 weeks old when we brought them home. In June they will finish the 4th grade. I truly live with precious angels. They are the most loving children a mother could ask for. It is a lot of work and a lot of Dr's but the rewards over ride that. I am very grateful I was told of their birth mother abandoning them the day after they were born.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • My heart breaks for these kids, but we are not quite at the place to do this yet. We have 4 kids of our own, and I want nothing more than to do Foster Care -- whether we adopt or not is yet to be seen, but I am very, very open to the possibility!
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 1:13 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I have two kids who were exposed to meth prenatally, and my DS was born with it in his system and had to go through withdrawal. I wouldn't really call this an imperfection, but for a potential adoptive couple it can be scary b/c you don't know what will happen. The biggest risk in this case is ADD, which can be dealt with. We use Love and Logic. We decided to set aside our fears and trust God, and these children really are perfect for us!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Our first match was suspected to be born with mental retardation and fetal alcohol syndrome. we did our research and the bmom was in a situation where she had been drinking heavily for most of the pregnancy, had five other kids, and smoked crack some during the first few months of pregnancy. However, after birth mom decided to raise the baby. We were matched again with a high risk situation - again drugs, no prenatal care (the first match did have prenatal care), and the potential for her to raise her child/change her mind was HUGE. Her family pressuring her to raise this child. We soldiered through and just asked her to be honest with us - that the moment she new she couldn't place to not draw it out. She didn't change her mind. Nothing apparent at birth accept very bad lungs from the smoking. Some other health issues. later development issues in delayed speach. Only time will tell what other health issues.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • My children were highly adoptable; identical twin infant girls, no health problems apart from excema. But we didn't "pick" them. We were willing to take any child age 0-4 years old, any medical conditions. In fact, they have an older sibling who was in care and we petitioned to have her placed with us for adoption as well, but our workers wouldn't increase our license to three since we had originally been licesened for only one.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 4:24 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • We adopted four sisters from foster care. They were 5,7,8 and 11 when they moved in with us. No one thought they would be able to be adopted together. We were told they they couldn't get along and it wasn't a good idea to keep them together. Well, six years later and they are doing great. We've had issues of course, but that's to be expected when children are abused, neglected and moved around from foster home to foster home. Our oldest is graduating this year with honors. She's been awarded seven scholarships to college!!! Who says these children can't be winners!!!! :o)
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 5:10 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • For everyone who has posted that they've adopted kids with prenatal substance exposure - how and when do you intend to tell your kids? I'm the anon who adopted two kids exposed to meth. We don't plan to tell them until they are almost adults.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • My children were never lied to about anything and knew early one. Since they were delayed because of the drugs we let them know. They were angry and have no desire to meet thier egg donor. We were able to get them counseling while young so they could deal with the fall out. Lying to kids is is very wrong it may hurt to tell them things but to wait until they are young adults ready to start a life and then tell them is so wrong. Be honest while they are young.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • Both of my boys were also exposed to Meth. My oldest is 3 and knows that his BM used bad drugs. Well, the two times he has let me talk to him about it, I have told him. My youngest just came to us and isn't talking, but when he is about 2, we will start his adoptive lifebook as well. I have everything spelled out in his lifebook. I don't ever want them to feel that there were secrets around their adoptions. It is part of who they are and how they came to be part of our family. I also know they are at increased risk of addiction when they are older, so if I can implant that seed of drugs being bad early in life, I don't see that as a problem.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • No one and no child is "perfect". Parents that wait for their version of "the perfect baby" irritate me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on May. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.