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How do you cope with Oppositional Defiant Disorder from a 14 yr old boy?

He literally refuses to quit doing the things we are saying absolutely no to, smoking pot, he takes his punishments and as soon as he ius ungrounded he goes and gets high.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on May. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (14)
  • do you have any services in place? - counseling - individual and / or family preservation would be a good place to start - if he is breaking laws - I would consider pressing unruly charges before it escalates and someone else does - if he doesn't learn now - can you imagine what he'll be like as an adult?


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I personnally think there are wose things he could be doing than smoking pot, but I could see how parents are worried about it. If he's constantly breaking rules when he's ungrounded, don't unground him. Keep him locked in his room until he's 18, than he's the states problem. Or send his ass to jail. I know he's your son and you love him and blah blah blah, but really, he's old enough to know better and if doesn't stop now, it never will. He's also not to old to be spanked, I would literally tear his ass if he didn't listen to me.

    Answer by sarapurser at 1:22 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • If he's been officially diagnosed by a doctor then you should be asking the doctor these questions.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:32 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • My daughter at 14 was sneaking out of the house, getting high, getting drunk & having sex. As soon as I found out, I called the law on her. (Please don't give me the "Why weren't you watching her", I was, but I have to sleep sometime & this all was happening in the middle of the night). I had several people who thought I was horrible, but was surprised by how many people were there to support me. I didn't do it to hurt her, but rather make her very aware that there are consequences for behaviors and doing something illegal WILL get you in trouble. She has been 'sober' from ALL the above mentioned issues for almost 8 months now!

    Answer by eeyoreplus4 at 1:32 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • He hasn't been officially diagnosed but after paying $444.00 for a drug evaluation only to be told he would presume he has ODD and councelling would unlikely help him as he doesn't believe he has any issues. He recommended councelling for the family, I barely have time to deal with his shenanigans, community service, which he has to serve because he keeps getting caught and managing where he is every 5 minutes, to make more time out of my day to just go get councelling myself...I am not the one who has issues with authority, Hello??? Sometimes I wonder how these assholes get there degrees. We are starting a new thing where he has to be at the house at 3:30 every day and he cannot be late for school even once during the week if he wants to spend any time with his friends, and because these are the same friends he is getting high with he can only spend a couple hours with them. I am just getting really frustrated.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I have called the police on him and there isn't anything the local cops will do unless he does something against the law. I called them on Mother's Day, the night before I caught him sneaking around in our back shed and I went out there after he did and found 2 expensive glass pipes which I destroyed and threw away, topped them with watered down dog poop, grass clippings and he still proceeded to try and dig thru the trash to get them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Mandatory, random, repeated, ongoing drug testing and mandatory, ongoing restriction from any activity that he enjoys. My son has ODD - but we never had a drug problem with him. The only thing I found that truly TRULY worked with him was being way more stubborn than he could even think to be, and literally being like a cobra - coiled and ready to strike in a nano-second if he even looked like he was going to get out of hand. The one thing his doctor told me that made a huge difference for us was when the doctor said "he's way more stubborn than you are, and you're gonna have to raise your own bar to match his if you're ever going to get the upper hand as the parent".... I took that to heart. Now I have a 19 year old who, although still VERY stubborn, knows that the one person he can't match wits with is Mom. What ever he ever did, he knew that his actions would be met with swift, unrelenting, direct parenting.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 3:10 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Calling the law on him wont help..ive had alot of problems with the law and I never stopped I just figured out more ways to not get caught. You need to get him into counceling and make him go. As for smoking pot I doubt thats gonna stop...I quit stealing..quit ditching...quit smoking cigarettes..I quit doing everything bad but I still smoked pot until I found out I was pregnant and thats when I decided its time to grow up. When he turns 18 he get a legal license to do it now (which is ridiculous). I know people who smoked pot throughtout pregnancy and where a normal part of the community. He can smoke pot during break and lunch a school so restricting him isnt stopping him...sorry...but you can try my dad drug tested me and I found ways around it unlesss you WATCH him pee you cant trust the results...

    Answer by hug4akiss at 3:37 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • The reason family counseling was suggested is so the family learns how to deal with his issues. It would help more than you are willing to give credit. Try it, you may be surprised. He also needs to be professionally evaluated, not by someone doing a drug test. . If you aren't willing to help as a family, then nothing that is set up for him would work. To the person that said he isn't too old to be spanked, HE IS TOO OLD. Nothing like embarrasing him and making his behavior worse. If there is a scared straight program in your area, sign him up for it. If you catch him smoking pot, call the cops...that is illegal, show them where he keeps it.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:00 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • He was professionally evaluated that's why it costed so much. I thought he was addicted to drugs, turns out he's just addicted to being a PITA. I love him to death but I swear he is going to drive me to the loony farm that's if he ever gets his license. No I am not opposed to family counselling but his dad and I are divorced and there is always a reason why he couldn't make it although he thinks it might help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on May. 11, 2009

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