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Would a black birthmother choose a white couple to adopt her baby?

We are a loving couple who has been married a long time. We're white & for the last 2 years we've been trying to adopt an AA baby girl, which has been a dream of mine since I was a child. We've taken parenting classes, including one about transracial adoption & diversity, we put in our profile about how we want to teach her to be proud of her heritage, & we included a picture of the baby's room with a black Cabbage Patch doll. We havent been chosen yet. This will be our 1st child. What do birthmoms, specifically black birthmoms look for in choosing a couple? Are most of them comfortable placing their child with a family of a different race?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:36 PM on May. 11, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (17)
  • I really don't know much in this area but wanted to say that they probably want their baby to feel comfortable and accepted in their new home. They might wirry that the baby will feel awkward or weird in a white household. Just my opinion though. Good luck =)

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 5:41 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I've read articles on this subject and different people have different takes on it. A good majority of opinions, though, say that a black mother would prefer for her child to be placed with a black family. This is for a variety of reasons, ranging from being able to relate to people of their own race better to challenges with styling hair. Your time will come, you just have to be patient. VERY patient. Some people don't get kids placed with them for quite a few years. You may want to expand your horizons - is it ONLY an african american baby girl that you want to adopt? What about a boy? What about an asian american child? There is a HIGH demand for babies (of all colors.) If you aren't totally against it, you may also want to try adopting a toddler or older child. They need a loving home, too.

    Answer by MommyDumDum at 5:42 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • My first reaction to your description of how you've had a dream of adopting an AA child and then of the room with the black Cabbage Patch doll, etc. was one of "this sounds really strange".

    Honestly, if I were a black mother who would give her child to a loving couple and had to choose between your almost obsessive interest in "just an AA child" or another couple, I think I'd go with the other parents.

    It would have nothing to do with you and hubby being white. I would think the same if you said you only wanted a Jewish, Asian, whatever child.

    Answer by timelessglass at 5:43 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • When I was in High school my teacher and his wife were white and adopted a AA baby boy. The mother was a very young teen. He had no prefrence I believe. But was very happy to have a baby of his own.

    Answer by LucasMama08 at 5:51 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Would you think it was strange if a white couple only wanted a white child? Why do you think people adopt from China? Probably because they only want Chinese girls. They probably want the birth mother to see that her child will have a doll that looks like her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • There are black children who have white parents. It is rare to have a private domestic adoption with white parents/black baby. Most transracial adoptions occur either internationally or through foster care. I have a black child being raised by a white couple. We call ourselves a multicultural home. When being considered it helped that I worked primarily within the black community where I live, I live in a very diverse neighborhood, and the school we are zoned for is equally (percentage wise) black and white - with a high Asian population and fair number of Latino students. We used the census and school statistics in our portfolio to convey what type of setting our child would be living in. We also had in our references black friends and coworkers who were able to provide their perspective on what type of parents we would be. I already had ethnically diverse toys and it had nothing to do with the adoption. All in all

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • it was about being able to communicate we were ready for parenting a child and understanding the specific issues and needs of raising a black adoptee. There are really great books we read and we also included some in our portfolio. Our bedroom theme was just a typical infant room. I thought it might be over kill to show how diverse the room was going to be. We did however include friends from all backgrounds in our portfolio to show expectant moms. It ended up turning out well - not over kill but enough to convey that while it is a constant learning curve we strive to do the best we can and we have cultural competency. Politics was also discussed with several bmoms. It was important to them that we share political ideology so Bush was out. With the mothers who interviewed us they could not see their black child growing up as a Republican. Politics, punnishments, religion, ect...all talked about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • All of our adopted children are AA and we are white. Since all our kids were at risk and considered unadoptable they did not care about the race of the parents. We love our children regardless of color. My children did not care they wanted someone to love them race was not something they cared about at all.

    African American famlies do not adopt that often so many children are never placed and grow up their entire lives in foster care. I think a child should be placed in a loving home and race should not be a factor.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • I disagree. I think race should be a factor. Not in the way most people think. I do think that parents need to have some level of understanding about a child's culture, ethnic group, and needs related specifically to race and cultural identity. Not all white families are suited for this type of parenting. I believe it takes more than love to parent a child who is not of your ethnic or racial group. I believe it also takes more than love and a desire to be a parent to adopt. It takes a special type of knowledge and doing not what is comfortable for you but doing what is best for your child. I know white parents who have black children and they do not like going to black events b/c they are uncomfortable being the only white person there. I say to them, gee I wonder how your child feels being the only black child in her class, neighborhood, family, church....there are so many things to be educated about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • The foster care system is full of African American children that wait for a family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on May. 12, 2009

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