Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do we handle this?

Grandma here. Daughter will now have to raise two little ones on her own. Daddy is behind bars. Daughter is not coping real well, has been put on anti-anxiety meds, but I am still concerned with how she is dealing with it. Even though she was pretty much raising kids on her own anyway, she seems like she is always one step from losing it now. I'm just not sure how to help her. I already told her, I will not take over raising the kids as that is her job.. but sometimes, I think thats all she wants me for. How do I, as a grandma help, without taking over?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on May. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Pray for her..... let her know you are here to support her in anyway possible but she needs to hold herself together for the sake of her children.....
    Mommys cant afford to fall apart.... im sure you know that being that your a mommy too!!
    but encourage her, give her advise, tell her what she needs to do.... and stand by her.... but thats all you can do for her....
    she will make it through it..... things will get better... but her kids need her Now more than ever....
    keep reminding her of that...
    good luck!
    trystons_mommy

    Answer by trystons_mommy at 5:44 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I had a really rough time as a young single mom and I had a great mother like you. Watching my kiddo once a week, over night or for a couple hours so I could go to the store on my own saved my sanity. Letting us come over there every few days for dinner during the week so I didn't have to cook or rush or worry like wise made my life MUCH easier.

    You don't want to end up a mother, so maybe draw the lines? Say 'listen I know you're having a hard time, maybe we could have Sunday dinners at my house' or 'maybe I could pick the kids up from school on Thursday nights so you can have some time to yourself'? If you're willing to do something like that that could make all the differance.

    Also if she's having anxiety problems, helping her get into councilling might be something to keep in mind? Maybe she just needs some place to vent?
    TabathaM

    Answer by TabathaM at 5:45 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Offer to babysit as often as you can stand. See if your daughter is open to counseling or a support group. Try to be there for her & listen to your daughter. If it's possible, find another person to babysit while the two of you spend some quality time together. She may just need a break and someone to talk to.
    MommyDumDum

    Answer by MommyDumDum at 5:46 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Just be there for her to talk to and rely on. She's probably just emotionally spent. Counselling and prayer are both good ideas. Help her out anyway she needs it...but make sure she's trying to help herself as well.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 5:52 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Sit down with her and find out what she thinks she needs help with on a regular basis and let her know what you are willing or able to do. Offer specific help you can provide at specific times that are acceptable to you. Maybe find her a parenting class or support group to join and offer to watch the kids while she goes to that. You might also research resources that might help her out when you cannot; help her find alternatives to calling on you.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 5:53 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Carefully. Never say never. As a Grandma who is raising/adopted my sons children. When push comes to shove could you let them go to Foster Care? I sure couldn't. This isn't what we planned our life to be. I guess God had other plans. Pray for her. Empower her but refuse to enable her. Many women have been through much worse. She can do it, it isn't impossible. Encourage her often and don't critsize as hard as that can be sometimes. Best Wishes.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:54 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Set firm boundaries, and communicate them well. E.g. I'm babysitting 3 pm to 5 pm, but that's it. She must feel very alone, so remember that as well.
    MissV.

    Answer by MissV. at 6:10 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Offer to stay with the kids so she can go to a movie; offer to do the laundry.
    Mostly, listen to hear and you will know what she needs.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:51 PM on May. 11, 2009