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Husband is selfish sexually. What do I do??

I would say for about every ten orgasms he has I have one or two. So in an average month he gets 10-15 and I get 1-3. He rarely puts time into turning me on before sex (foreplay), and sex is usually pretty short. And when we do have foreplay it lasts maybe 3 minutes and he does what he wants, not what I like. I have explicitly told and shown him several times what I like, what turns me on, and how to get me off. This doesn't seem to matter to him. He is too focused on getting himself off. When I have asked him why he isn't interested in satisfying me. He just said that is something I am responsible for not him, that I should just masterbate if I wanna get off. This to me seemed incredibly selfish and is just saying he doesn't care about my satisfaction. I DON'T want to do the hold off sex thing. That has only lead to frustration and more problems. This has been going on for years and I am lost. I want to enjoy our sex life too

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Asked by aprilmommy123 at 10:15 PM on May. 11, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (22)
  • Cut him off.....If he's not willing to please you, then why please him?


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 10:17 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Thanks for the advice, but I have already done that one. It just made everything WAY WAY worse. I wasn't even getting to 1-3 a months. It caused more problems in other areas of our marriage too. It was basically a stressful and bad time for all of us.

    Plus I enjoy going down on him and giving him pleasure. I like making him happy. I don't do it just so I will get it in return. I genuinely do it for him, not for me.


    Answer by aprilmommy123 at 10:21 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I would say see a marriage or sex therapist.

    Answer by Christina807 at 10:27 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Cut him off.....If he's not willing to please you, then why please him?

    I think she already answered your ? best. She does it for HIM not for herself. I don't agree with using sex as a weapon. It will only make your problems worse like you have already learned.
    Have you honestly and openly discussed this with him and let him know it is important to you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Then what is your complaint? If you enjoying satisfying him, then continue on like it is.
    If my hubby told me it was my job to make sure I have one, and to masturbate if I want one... I'd tell him to do the same thing when he wants one.
    Although it's mean, I had the inconsiderate man in the bedroom and what I did was do him the same way he did me. I got myself worked up all day, and I climbed on top of him that night and when I got mine, I got off and went and showered. I did that a few times in a row and then when he said something I told him the truth... that's exactly how I feel when you use my body to your satisfaction and then get off and leave me hanging. Doesn't feel so nice.
    I'm never for cutting a man off if there's anyway to get around it but sometimes they have to feel what the problem is... so I showed mine.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:29 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • anon :27 yes we have had this dicussion many times in the past. He has just flat out told me that it doesn't matter to him whether or not I have an orgasm. When I told him how I do it for him all the time he said that is because I am a nicer person than him and I care more.

    Answer by aprilmommy123 at 10:34 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Lisa ann p...I LOVE that idea. I think that would work.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 10:34 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • lisa ann I understand what your saying but that would never work for me. I need direct stimulation to get off. I can't get off from a couple of minutes of penetration. Plus he almost always orgasms before me so I wouldn't be able to do it that way.

    Answer by aprilmommy123 at 10:39 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Aprilmommy, I guess I just have to wonder WHY you want to be with someone who cares so little for your feelings? Sex is a HUGE part of marriage. He is telling you that he does NOT care about how you feel, or if he pleases you, which yes, is incredibly selfish and self centered! Is he like this in the other aspects of your marriage?
    Sorry, but I don't think I personally could have much respect for someone who had no respect for how I felt in return.
    And Lisa ann - you ROCK girl! I would love to know what his response was!

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 10:45 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I can't get off after only a couple of minutes either... but once you learn their movements, their breathing you know when they're getting close, so you change speed and angle to stop them from having one. I also use a vibrator while I'm doing it which speeds me up in a hurry. If I've worked myself up all day, it could be a matter of seconds with the vibe helping me. He hates it when I do that to him and he becomes more considerate for a little while and then I have to repeat the lesson again.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:47 PM on May. 11, 2009

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